Thursday, July 12, 2018

Imaginary Superheros


There are a million words you will read and never hear from my chapped salmon lips. There are seven million thoughts you will hold no one else will ever read. There are so many songs with forgotten lyrics you will know by heart even after the singers have no voice and the meaning has been completely replaced in ways no one of any generation to come will realize possible. You and I have known night and still there will come a day when Time comes to pull away my every memory of you and Death comes to take my hand ever so sweetly for my decent into that beautiful darkness known as the end. Oh Love, oh my love, you are my best friend because you understand me in ways no one else ever will. So I shall continue etching my story on upon your delicately pale skin, night after night with your own black blood and crystallized tears. The only thing that my heart belongs to an actual, living breathing human and not to you, despite my undying love for our relationship, our give and take of complete understanding. Darling, you are my most valuable possession and yet you are still not the sole owner of my broken, bruised heart. For you see, there's a boy who has the only remaining key to me. Though he's sweet to em and believes in me no matter what I put my mind to, he will never compare to you. Sweetheart, you are so very beautiful, but you're still not that beautiful to me and that these words flow from my veins so flawlessly that they have to have a meaning of some sort, even though neither of us will find it in time for it to matter at all anyway. Darling, you inspired me to paint myself in a loving glow of ink and it was the first thing to ever make me truly happy the way people say you should be. You gave me a reason and hope that if I loved myself just a little bit more someone wonderful would later come along and teach me exactly what love is supposed to be. You helped me discover just who it is I really wanted to be and taught me what it means to actually live, not to simply breathe. But Darling, now it's time for the words I am not quite sure how you will take, for everything I've ever really wanted to say but never known how to. You, my dear, you are nothing more than a part of me I was told to ignore because good girls don't have imaginary friends, smart girls don't talk to themselves, big girls aren't supposed to cry - so who would be able to understand what it's like to pour your soul out to yourself and sob your nights away simply because no one took the time to teach you how to make friends. You were never told it's okay to love yourself or to be happy even when those around you are not. Because your parents never realized that it was their job to show you the things they learn by just waking up each day. They didn't see that letting go of mommy's hand was a sign of strength not rebellion. It's a sad story either way, really. but at least I found myself within you and you managed to stand beside me and smile for the camera, even as the sky fell. Darling, don't you see that you are nothing more than another part of me and I will love you whole heartedly until Death himself dies even though my heart belongs to another. To someone made of flesh and bone with thoughts and feelings of their own. Darling, you and I are one and the same, I love you for teaching me how to find myself. Now it's time for someone else to have a chance. 

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