Monday, June 30, 2014

Begin Again

Every night I turn my radio on and the room is filled with broken melodies from shattered halfhearted musicians like you. Only they don't have that same never ending depth or the same flair you had when you composed something new. It's no fun listening to the waves when you can't swim. I will not continue to live like this. 

Strangers Standing on the Corner of Broadway

I understand that you are busy and I know that I really shouldn't be bothering you now. But I just thought you would like to know that that person you passed this morning asking for change was me. Please don't assume that all of us want your nickles and dimes and nothing else. Some of us just want a smile or a potent thought to sip on as we watch the decisions we've made all our lives start to take an effect on this world we've always dreamed of but never noticed or appreciated nearly as much as we should. 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Contracts Signed at Birth

As an artist you promise us (the rest of the world) that you will devote your entire life to giving us perspectives we are not used to. If you cannot keep your promise none of us will be able to get mad at you or really be phased in any way at all, because life gets in the way of living and we all forget the promises that are made to us by ourselves. As an artist you are by far the most important person to ever live. 

Friday, June 27, 2014

Training Wheel Removal

I know I promised to hold on forever and always, until the ends of Time and even after Death himself died. And I will continue loving you for all of that time. But I think it's time for me to let you go. You need to do the same for me.

                                It's okay, Superman, I'll be alright this time.    

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Broken Homes and Lives

I know it hurts. I see your pain. I know you aren't having the best day you could, but I want you to know there is no use getting worried when there's not any hope. I love you. Today isn't the best, but it will get better. That much I promise. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Terrarian Nights

I know it's just a game but I love collecting fallen stars with you. There's just something about the feeling of having something so precious, so unique caressed gently in the palm of your hand. It's just that the fun we have laughing and running across an entire world of possibility can't be described by words known to us. And the stories we are told by the stars held in place all night long are so much more beautiful than anything else I have ever heard. I know it's just a game, but it would be something just as wonderful if it were real.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014


People are strange.

One day they have the dreams
to rule the world and influence others
for the better. In beautiful ways.

The next all they can talk about
is how they made someone else
cry or feel small. Because they "really"
needed to be more than they already were.

People are strange.

they wanted to help you.

they tripped you on the sidewalk.

And I'm scared to know
what they have in store
for tomorrow. Because
as I said people are strange. 

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Forcing Pieces

Believe me when I say this is going to hurt like hell. Know it is going to hurt me worse than you can imagine. Understand that I want nothing more than the very best for you. Really, I do. But Darling, Darling, you should let me go while you still can. We have so much fun together but it's not love to me in the same way it is for you. Please keep a bit of distance, Hun, because if you work too hard to make something wrong feel right you get splinters in your heart and I just can't do that to you and still live with myself. 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Strangers Sitting at the Bar

If I could hug shadows life would be so much easier and feelings would be so much stronger than they already are. You think that you understand, but you just don't. I'm sorry but you don't and somehow I don't think you ever will. Our stories were penned in different ink on pages much more varied than day or night have ever been from each other. To you photographs are nothing more than songs you hear with your eyes and love is no more than chemicals running through a brain much like alcohol does on a lonely night when you have nothing to do besides remember everyone who ever wronged you and exactly how they did so. If I could hear walls whispering back to me the secrets they told about you would still be just as shallow as the words you write so carelessly when you think I'm reading without comprehention. But you just... you don't get it. You fail to realize that all I want is to help you, to understand, to be equals in this realm of chaotic reality. If I could see ghosts they would represent the lover you lost in that war that just never needed to be fought and the mother someone else never met and if I am lucky there would be one of the person you were when we first met. That way everywhere we go there is someone to talk to, to commiserate with, to mourn. So that neither of us lose our sense of humanity nor become so numb that living becomes completely unbearable. I told you, Love, you wouldn't understand. But you see, rambling in my madness is the only the only thing I have left to keep any sense of sanity I have ever had. If I could hug shadows would I be any less lonely? If I could hear walls whispering back to me would you hear it too? If I could see ghosts would I see myself in all my despair?

Ladybugs and Daisies

I know that I shouldn't miss you at all anymore. Its just that it's been almost a year since you and your mom brought birthday roses to my door. Which means it has been a year since you took a part of me I am still not sure I was ready to lose right then. But the vase is still on the dining room table filled with something new each week. The drawing of an angel still hangs beside my pillow. And the 15 made out of mindcraft diamond collapsed and crumbled about a week ago. I love you still. But I refuse to miss you anymore. It takes too much heart away from missing the people who matter most. The ones who care from far and miss me too. The ones who have never been here but still haven't left.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Far From Senyru

To my Dearest Star,

You and I don't really talk all that often and I completely understand why that is; but I want you to understand something this time. When we met I was just a way to pass time and you were someone to play with. It's funny, just how much four years has been able to divide us. As the weeks passed and conversations got more sporadic. I found myself missing the comforting words of my stranger. The one I convinced myself to only refer to as “Star” because names make things complicated – especially goodbyes. And with no idea which exchange of pleasantries would be the last I was too afraid to hurt the way so many others have. The seasons changed and new years came and went, yet you stayed longer and longer, never wavering. It's nothing I really understood at the time, but I didn't dare question it either; I was happy. Finally. Even if it was only for a few minutes here and there. I know that so far I am only telling you things that you already know, or at least mostly, but it's all leading up to something new – I promise. There was a brief moment when I thought that this meant I had feelings for you in a romantic sense and another where I decided to mold the relationship we had as friends into nothing more than better and better friends. I tried to love other people that were closer and one that was even farther away, but no one meant even half as much to me as you. None of them were able to light up the entire world with a single smile from something I said or did. I didn't feel right saying those three words that people say to keep others close and every moment with them was still missing something. Something important. Something that I just don't know how to describe. But when we talk, as seldom as that once was, all the pieces fall into place. Every time I smile it is completely genuine. My soul giggles and my heart whispers “That is the one I want to be with.” Everything feels perfect even when it's not. So please, believe me when I say this and know I mean every bit of it and so much more. I love you. I love how much happier I  feel around you. I love the way we laugh and play so easily. I love your smile. I love being myself in my purest for,. I love knowing that I am where I belong. I love me and I love you too.
Now that the ink has finally stained pages instead of my pale skin and you have found your way here, I hope that you understand.

Today, Tomorrow, Forever,
Madison Rene'

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Ivory Keys

You show me the most beautiful melodies I have ever heard. I promise I will play all of them for you again. Someday. 


The melody of the last song you played for me is hauntingly beautiful even without the sadness or nostalgia that the others have always had. It's like nothing I had ever heard before that night or anything I can find myself listening to all that often. But please don't take that to mean that I disliked it, but instead as the best compliment I can word. Because you see, angel feathers are so soft that they can only be felt by human hands so many times before they feel so slimy and become so soiled that they are no longer able to enjoy the skies. And I don't think that I'd ever be able to sleep again knowing that I am responsible for another fallen seraphim. So please forgive me, Love, if I am not at your next show sitting in the front row, grinning from ear-to-ear, it's just that I don't want to ruin the moment for anyone else later to come. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

22 Years Late

I know I have known you for a long time but still every year your birthday comes around I am clueless on what to do. I love you so much and I want to make you smile but I just don't know how. So for now, until you get my letter and the horribly drafted card I made you last Friday, I'll just put it here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mase. I hope its an amazing day filled with wonderful moments. 

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Fully Formed Wings

You have no idea how much I miss the fun we had.

I had no idea that I could feel this free without you around.

Everybody gets things wrong.


Saturday, June 14, 2014

Crystal Clear

Every time I look your way it's not you I cringe at. It's not you that I'm calling ugly when I mutter those words under my breath. It's just myself. Because it's never other people that you hate, it's only ever just the pieces of you that they are representing. Today felt like a good day to let you know, it's not what you think. I love you and you are beautiful. It's just that I'm the one who's not. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

Coffee Shop Romance

I'm not sure how it happened, it's just one of those things that happens, I guess. One moment strangers and another friends. The next thing we know our hearts beat a little faster when we talk and the jokes get sweeter with every smile. I'm not sure how it happened, it's just one of those things that happens, I guess. And I have never been happier. 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Little by Little

I love it when you make me laugh without even trying. I love how happy you make me. I know I don't often show it the way I should, but I just hope you know, I mean it. Entirely. Completely. With every fiber of my being. 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

How it Should Be

Lately you have been a bit distant, Love. I just wish that I could tell you why, I am so sorry that I can't explain the reasons either.

Meet me in the park at sunrise. I have something to show you and a map that needs to be finished.

My heart belongs to you.

Forgive me.

I am coming back.


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Elixir of Life

You seem so sad, Darling. I don't know how to help you. You never let me see when things aren't going well but your eyes are terrible liars and they betray you every time. I know there's something and its bad. I am sorry if I make it more difficult for you to do what you have to do, but I don't want to be protected anymore. I want to help. I just don't know how until you help yourself. I don't mean to sound cruel, it's just that in life there is only ever so much you can do for someone else before they do anything for themselves. Darling, you seem so sad. It's the kind of sight I am afraid to see. I love it when you are strong and free. I love it when your smile shines brightly everywhere we go and when those poisonous tears are no longer able to cloud your mind with alcoholic indecision. You seem so sad, Darling. That will no longer be the case, soon. 

Friday, June 6, 2014

No More Of This

Something is wrong here.
your smile is missing.

Let me take your hand,
I'll dry your tears. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

For The Missing One

I know there are some words you will never get to see, words that have so much more meaning than lonely tears falling in slow motion one by one and even more meaning than the songs written with a broken heart at 2 or 3 a.m. one summer morning. I realize that there are some images in my head I just cannot create on paper or canvass for you no matter how hard I try because some images would scare the world so much that they could cause the next world war or another ice age or something else completely catastrophic and I don't think my soul could handle the knowledge that I was responsible for something like that. I have come to terms with feeling things that have never been felt before as well as with feeling things that every human feels before they die because they are just that important to the human condition. The only problem with all of it though, is that, the human " to be born and each soul fragment to enter a body. And really, humans are nothing more than characters in a story much bigger than any of us could or have ever been on our own. A story that began at no particular person's birth, that will not end with one specific death. And I am so sorry that it took me so so long to understand this, to come to terms with the only lessons in life that actually give a damn in how you turn out when you take your final breath and think your very last thought. I am so sorry I ever let you believe that I failed you, because in all actuality I have come no where close to such a thing and I hope that you realize this. You were the greatest teacher I have ever known and I hope that when the eternal everything takes you back that you are given credit for that. I hope that all of your students have realized what it is you have only ever wanted from them.

P.s. I'm still not myself again, but am I at least mature enough for one last hug?

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Flashing Blue Numbers

Darling, you like to think that I don't point out 11:11 to you anymore because I don't want you to be happy, but you don't seem to realize I am not capable of being so cruel to you. I never want to be so heartless to anyone, especially you. But you see, it's really just that I have been missing the time myself. I think I need to stop making wishes for a while, and this is just a funny proof of that. You see, when I wish my wishes tend to contradict wishes I have previously made. And when I wish I tend to lose faith in the power I already have and the life experiences I have already created for myself (all the wishes I have already granted on my own). I don't think that 11:11 is making me feel better anymore, it just breaks my heart a little more and makes me question my blip of an existence, yet another position I am not really all that fond of. So Darling, to answer your question, it's not that I do not want you to be happy, but merely, that my life needs some work before I can go on finding times that bring good fortune. You deserve the very best, I will never be able to give that to you, so please, start watching the clock for yourself, you gain more power that way anyway. 

Never Forget

You started learning a song
titled "Never forget" you began
this endeavor before we ever met.

You showed it to me when I
wasn't feeling well because
you thought the piano would
make my headache go away.

You always did a better job of
making me feel better from far
away than anyone near by ever
really could - thank you for that.

I swore to myself that I
would never forget
you because of that skill.

Because of that beautiful song
from such a horrifying game.

And so far, I haven't, but I think,
I think you have and that breaks
my heart every time you cross my mind.

Right now I am listening to that song,
the one with more beauty than words
can describe and more meaning
than the writers intended with the title

"Never Forget"

and I hope that you
have not forgotten
me just yet.

I'm Yours

The words may not sound quite right
it may not look like all that much,
but I just thought you deserved to know
that this heart belongs to you.

No matter what you think you hear
or where you see me go,
I've got no where else to be that's
as important as here - with you.

Sure my edges are a bit rough
and I don't smile all that bright,
but you make me more complete
than I've ever been - more alive.

The words may not sound quite right
it may not look like all that much,
but this heart of mine belongs to you
and only you, my love.

Forever yours,

Monday, June 2, 2014

Cold Coffee at Midnight

There once was a time that I created a new language with everyone I met that I wanted to keep around. Together we'd make up new words to describe the things we felt that we knew others would never understand and we used inside jokes and silly things that happened to make sense of other things or to forget things that hurt more than we cared to admit. For a while the people I met and I would explore town and claim little hideouts as our own and everyone got one but no one ever shared the location with anyone else. We would meet at sunrise or sunset depending on the day and talk about all the things everyone else would think us bratty or stupid or whatever for saying. Where we would write and paint, laugh and cry, give birth and die just a little more each time. But it was never meant as a bad thing. When I was younger I talked to people and I knew what happiness was but when my teacher taught me about the taste of ink and the feel of keys beneath my fingers I traded reality for what I could create myself. I longed for a story better than dreams and kinder than the real thing. But I quickly became addicted to that feel. Now I'm sitting behind a brightly lit screen opening healed wounds and cutting into my veins as I search for new ways to say the things poets have beat me to by centuries and trying to convey the cruelty of this world around me that really isn't all that cruel. And I really don't think you are able to comprehend this but I thought if anyone would listen to me it would be you. And I figured if I was going to bleed out tonight this would be the best canvass.

Thank you for all of your kindness and love. Thank you for only ever believing in me and wishing me the best. Thank you so much for everything. I will not let you down this time. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014


You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I miss you. But you always said you
just wanted me to be happy and that
you left because it was better for me
and my feelings. So you went away
without anything close to goodbye.

You walked away in my darkest hour
saying it was right because I liked
someone else and you didn't want to
get in the way of anything good coming
my way, especially love.

When we met I made the mistake of
showing you the width of my pain
instead of the depths of my heart and
you decided that I deserved love to be
happy more than just one friend.

You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I have never been more happy than
when you were close enough to hug
after my nightmares and yet far enough
to muse from without having to bleed
first. I don't understand this - you.

What is happiness in your eyes anyway,
Hun, you taught me every other
conceivable lesson about emotions,
human growth, and love so what lesson
was this if you only ever always said

you just wanted me to be happy. . .