Friday, December 15, 2017

Math King of Third Grade


We always knew that you would go on to do wonderful things. I only wish you were still here to see just how deeply you've captured us all. 

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Visiting 143 Birthday Way


I'd draw for you
again
or take you to the
opera
like when we were
young.

But none of it would
be the same
because we've grown up
and love changed.

So I'll just write out
another poem
to title with

143 Birthday Way -

just for you.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tumbling Down with the Leaves


There is more to falling than gravity or love and that's what fall is all about: finding beauty in change and growth while remembering where it is you're heading anyway. 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

This I Promise


I'm not expecting time travel to ever actually become possible, but if it does, I'll go back to a time when I'd have been able to spend the day with you. There's nothing gone unsaid, I just didn't have enough time. 

Monday, December 11, 2017

Collecting Dust and Silence


Listen, today I played the CDs you left behind and I understand why you like them so much. It's not that you just wanted to be different (even though that's at the top of the mile long list of things you excelled at.) It's not even that you wanted to scare people away with the countless things that genre implies to the outside world. But really it's something much more than that because it's the first group that really seems to get you. They know your mistakes and the beautifully dangerous habits you formed when you were "young". They knew who you were before you knew the truth and they remind you that there is still hope - even in the darkest of their melodies. Today I played the CDs you left behind, I hope that you don't mind. And today it finally made sense why you and the pen got along so well. and why you only showed me one of their songs while you were here. If you ever come back, can we talk before you leave again?

I have a song I'd like you to listen to with me. 

Sunday, December 10, 2017

The Wind in Our Hair


Believe me Darling, it's better to tell the story than it is to be rolling down stone cold faces when the story ends;

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Slipknots and Twist Ties


She said something beautiful today, words flowing all waterfall-like, sparkling with radiance in the glow of her brilliance. And all that came to mind was you. 

Friday, December 8, 2017

Soul Sipping


I know you didn't mean to, but you gave me something that you can never get back. And this would all be so much easier if I had been able to do the same for you.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

No Need for Mericles


Dear Aching Heart,

You do everything you can to make everyone else's day brighter. You go out of your way to lend a hand or eat for anyone near by. You care sincerely and deeply. It's okay if you ask for help from time to time.

Love,
Your healing soul

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

To Be Born Again


It's time to start a fire, Baby. I'll get the matches and you grab the diaries. It's time to burn away these scars, Honey. There are better ways to heal than waiting for Time. It's time to let go of these ashes and wash our hands of this ache, Darling. Neither of us can move on or grow up otherwise. Besides these days are getting colder, and we could use the warmth. 

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Bluebells Became Forget-me-knots


I'm using recycled metaphors
from when you left me

but

it's not you I'm missing now -
it's someone I didn't have

time

to know as well as I
would have liked

and

my mind keeps coming
back to you

because

you couldn't stick around
for goodbye either.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Just Let it Out


Just let the pain out across the page or in the notes, just flush it out of your system so you can move on and make the most of each and every experience you're given.

Just bleed out what you need to for the poison to quit flowing through your veins. As long as you get water back in afterwards you're going to be just fine.

Just go with it. You might even be better than ever afterwards. 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Return to Sender



Return to Sender:

I'd love to pull a pen from my drawer
and use these veins as paper for you.

I read your letter, but I

just can't bring myself

to hold on to it longer than
you needed me to. Darling,

I'm sending this back to you
without a reply, but here it is

anyway, cause I've gotta get it
off my chest and out of my heart.

This time around I am not going to

respond with all the love in my heart,

but I suppose after all this time
you do deserve a free fall drop
as if you were one of these tears
welling in my shattered crystal eyes.

Did you know I write to you
in every piece I've ever etched?
That there's something about the way
sun shines and streets flood that both
bring me back to your house all over again?
That I was more at home in your bed
filled with books and anger than
at home with my own joyful family?
That you are a tree in my garden
with a trunk etched in initials and stories
surrounded by roses soiled in memories
watered in your unspoken names?

A response such as:

I

I need you to know that
I fashioned your latest letter
into a lullaby I'll sing myself
only when there's no one else
to hear for miles. (love like ours
is meant to kill not sting).

II.

You carry enough weight
in the ink you bleed for
the both of us, only you
forgot how to pen my name
the way I forgot your address
when you moved closer.

III.

Sometimes I want to write back
so I can let you see the pain
you've caused, but to give you
a type of healing I was never offered.
To paint your face from memory
and replay your voice from starsong
are two of my greatest dreams...

and fears.

IV.

Please, return to sender.
Without a response letter

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Just as Sad as Before


It's been a year to the day,
I didn't really know you well -

but for the brief time you were here
you were family and friend all in one.

I missed your funeral, and for that
I am incredibly sorry, but I was there

to see your body lying on the living room floor,
to watch the family gather around and pray,

I've never been religious or understood
the many cultures of my new home, but

for you, I made an exception, I dove
head first into a sea of sobbing Cubans

and wept more for you than for my own blood,
you are even worthy of a run on sentence poem -

anyway, I just wanted to say it's been a year
and you're not forgotten or missed any less today

than before, I hope you're well
wherever you've made your new home.

Maybe someday I'll catch you
on the rings of Saturn playing hopscotch

or drinking espresso on the moon
with all the family to go before you.

Lucky Study Pants


It's a good idea to keep a few things around with good memories and fun potential just in case something strikes and you need to pick yourself up.

Today wasn't bad or anything, but it was still nice to remember my own skin is good enough for anything I want to do, and it was a pretty good feeling - one you should experience more often Darling.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Looking Back on the Arguments


I am getting used to the feel of living in my own skin and I am incredibly grateful for the experiences you and your negativity led me to live without.

Don't worry, I'm so much better off without you. I feel like a whole new person!

Neon Light Vacations


Licorice stained gamblers take a chance
and roll the dice, but none of them
ever really win anything because
this hotel's nothin' but smoke
and mirrors angled a little too perfectly.

Whiskey wasted walls wish they
could share the dark secrets of
past guests - just to get 'em off their chests.

And everybody knows New Year's Eve
ain't nothin' without a few tears
scattered among the cheers.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Reduced to Glorious Ashes


The darkness settles in and the even the candle light isn’t as bright as it once was. But that doesn’t mean that the time for mourning has burrowed deep for winter yet – no, not yet.

For now, it’s just me alone in an empty room waltzing with Death whispering 1, 2, 3 1,2,3 won’t you join me for this lovely waltz with my dearest friend Death.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Simple, Little Holidays


Darling, I don't have a whole lot of, well anything, really, to offer, but thank you for understanding that and enjoying all of our little moments together instead of brightly colored boxes or a great big meal.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Autumn Blurrs with Winter


Fall - explode
watch the moon
clinging to Hope -

a numb smile,
a memory even,
a sweet sensation

strips away the light
choking all that
allows me to be

the woman you
loved.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Going out for Fresh Air



I love how easily we get roped into some of our favorite moments. Effortless joy makes for the greatest kind of love either of us will ever know. 

Friday, November 24, 2017

Watching Street Lamps Shine



I've always wanted you to be the one that would light my way through some of this rubble caused from growing pains. Maybe you're better off as a single star than the whole night sky anyway. 

Thursday, November 23, 2017

All Torn Up



It's not that the letters I wrote you were difficult to send or even that you weren't there to receive them anymore. Just that the words still don't come out right and stamps are too expensive to be worth a damn anymore. 

Anyway, how are you today, Hun?

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Your Epitaph will be Something Like This



Our relationship was like a graveyard and it's keeper(s). We were not there for each other, but rather for the previous loved ones we were forced to part ways with. We shared pain like a sundae and bonded over sorrow and that's no way to fill a soul up fully - no way to heal a broken heart.

We were keepers and our relationship was just another graveyard in memory of soldiers who's bodies simply could not be found. 

Monday, November 20, 2017

A Toast to That November




I remember the winter we were getting ready to move, how we spent our late nights at Starbucks drinking coffee I should have been too young for and eating sweets we did not need. The weather was colder than it should have been and our hearts jumped with joy as we got closer to the big day, but all those coffee shop strangers that became friends, or even family, I wonder how they're all doing today. 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Calling all Friends


Strawberry, sing to me about ice cream and chocolate, tell me that our love is better than anything you've ever tried.

Pineapple, remind me that you aren't all poisonous, that you can be sweet sometimes too. Show me that the spikes are supposed to protect those of us in your heart not to purge us.

Stringbean, let me know you're alright where you are, that things are looking up, or at least that you have not yet forgotten about me.

Artist, paint your world out for me, let me see where you are so I can map the quickest road to you.

Leprechaun, share your luck and spread your wealth among us, please.

Someone do something.

Anything.

So I'm not so alone. 

A Reason to Worry


May I ask you something? Chances are you won't want to answer, please, just give it a shot, okay? So here it goes, are you ready? (- that there, that's the question!) You are stunning. In every sense of the word. 

Friday, November 17, 2017

For My Next Door Neighbor


It's been too long since you've come over just for coffee and a little bit of a conversation. I know you're still trying to get over the pains of this past year, but I've gotten better at coffee making since I got the new job and I think we could both use a friend to talk to as the winter settles in. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Jovial Justifications


You brought so many dull moments to life in ways I never expected. I only wish you weren't always the one hiding behind the camera so I had something proper to burn when we move on. 

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Going to the Queen's Ball


There's no harm in dressing up or being confident in what you are doing just to get through the day or to enjoy the little things just a bit more. 

Sunday, November 5, 2017

The Twist of her Pigtails


Remember when they told you to be careful what you wish for? It's doubly true when love is involved. 

Saturday, November 4, 2017

What's in a Name, Anyway?


I cut my hair to look like yours did when we first met. It's different in some ways, but nobody noticed because I live somewhere new where your name just doesn't carry the same kind of weight. 

Friday, November 3, 2017

Calcifer and Sophie Went Separate Ways


You were always so warm with all your laughter and creative ideas. Now that the autumn winds are beginning to bite I wonder who's heart you're keeping all nice and toasty now. 

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Plan of Attack


Look here, Baby,
this is our one shot
at storming the castle and
building a real fort -

together we'll ready the troops
(popcorn, candy, and soda)
and march on into war.

Look here, Baby,
this is our one shot
to own the remote
and choose our seats first -

so let's get moving,
approve the plans,
draw the maps,
and head out. 

A Thousand Blank Pages


"I've only ever wanted to give you a better chance than I had," you whispered as you kissed my sleeping forehead and left. Then you woke up to an empty room flooding itself with regret.

"It's not too late yet," the tears on your pillow gently nudged. 

Friday, October 27, 2017

The First Date's Special


Let's try something new today, something neither of us has ever done before. We could sit in the park and converse only in song or grocery shop poetically, or go door to door telling strangers what we love about them. But whatever we do, let's make it count, okay?

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Pictures With Strangers


I'd love to laugh and joke with you so long as you'd enjoy it. Let's use today to live a little. 

Monday, October 23, 2017

Sunday, October 22, 2017

May the Young and Happy be Blessed


Here's a toast to one year down and a billion more dreams to go. And congratulations on the beautiful new adventure that awaits you and your new born family!

Saturday, October 21, 2017

21 on the 21st!


There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the time you have - even if it's something little, make the most of it.

You are a great embodiment of this advice, I hope you had a wonderful birthday today!

Friday, October 20, 2017

Afternoon Outings to the Mall


Spend more time with friends. It's good for you. You'll be happier in the end. Spend more time with friends.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Heart to Heart


I am sorry for that time we fought so long and loud that the neighbors wished us condolences the next day, for that time we fought in late afternoon and the sun refused to feel warm on our backs, for that time we felt the entire house shake from the fury in our voices. I am sorry that you felt the need to walk out and it wasn't even anything I said, that we both bled all over the kitchen for absolutely nothing, that we had to bend and break before we could heal.

Honestly though, I do not regret it at all. I am thankful that we were able to gain battle scars from a battle actually worth fighting, that our war was for love and not hatred, that we are better off for it - closer than we've ever been before. I am grateful that we had this chance to get the steam out of our heads, that we could clear our minds and patch up our hearts all at once, that we figured it out on our own - it just took more time than we (or anyone else) expected. 

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Not Needed Anymore


You were right, I don't need anything from you -

not the skype calls at one am
or the poems written in vague language.
I don't need your voice coming
across wires when all I want to do
is fall apart all over again.

And I suppose you were right when you said

that the walls only start talking once
the trouble maker fades away, but
you weren't the troubled one at all.

All spun like sugar and aged like wine

you were just a sense of poison
I wasn't able to name yet. Like
hemlock or too much lavender tea.

Hun, I can't tell you why you're still

captivating my heart and on my mind
everytime I turn around, even after I
swear I've moved on (for real this time?)
So I won't even try this time around,
but I do wonder what it would be like

to need you all over again.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Flowers in Hand


Thank you for being here when you were needed as well as desired. Thank you for making midnight beautiful and afternoons just a bit more bearable. Thank you for welcoming my writing and embracing the light of this heart. 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

New Face in the Mirror (Sort of)


Look here change is nothing to shy away from, and until you realize that you will never be as truly you as you (or the rest of us) deserve you to be. 

Monday, October 9, 2017

Roll the Dice


I will never see your face or be able to pick your voice out of the crowd outside, but I think that's why I've chosen you to read my story before anyone else. 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Learning as We Go


It's not the mistakes I mind, it's not even having to clean them up after them, it's not putting my best foot forward from the getgo. But if this is how we're going to play this out, then let's go arm in arm, without any fear because if nothing else this is the best way to get experience and knowledge under our belts. 

Monday, October 2, 2017

Little Blue Hearts


If you'd like to remain frozen and die alone then I will gladly leave you to your impending misery. But you know as well as I do (hopefully) that that's the kind of life no one can be satisfied with. 

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Complete Honesty


You have only ever been a geek dressed in tinfoil.

But no knight in shining armor could have been any sweeter.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Butterflies and Cheetahs


Would you say yes if I asked you to run away with me?

For All the Stars



This one is for all the stars that

burned too brightly, too fast,
or simply so hot that even
the sun was jealous.

You will be remembered,
even if you had no names,
and you will be forgotten
as though you were never

anything more than a simple
gust of wind on a spring morning.

But please do not fret Darlings,
your ghosts will be used to
fuel more fires and stories than
you can possibly imagine.

This one is for a star named Jarred.

Who has been missing for two years
and while everyone else has moved on,
burried your lifeless body, and ignored
the rumors from the city
about your disappearance,

I've moved to Los Angeles
and someday someone is
going to make a movie about you -

telling only the truth.

This one is for all the stars that
burned too bright, too fast, and
may have even made the sun jealous. . .



* What a note to end suicide awareness month on?