Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Fighting for Breath


Tea just isn't hot enough
or strong enough this week

and the hospital isn't an option
this time around the bend.
So instead I've made friends
with the sheets of my bed
and hot water, lemon,

and a few drops of honey

to get through work
before coming home

to die again.

Well, maybe, death's not
the real answer, it's just
when you're as sickless
as me, and you're coughing
up more mucus than your
tiny, little body should
be able to hold

every single moment

feels like you're

fighting for breath.

Friday, August 11, 2017

The Glare of Moonlight


Just because the waves are coming into shore

does not mean the kelp and seaweed will

lose their grip and come along for the ride.



Much like the ocean, you and I

will ebb and flow with the patterns

of each other, but we do not have to



say goodbye to our roots



just yet. 

Friday, August 4, 2017

Powerful Joy


Let's be something so beautiful and so memorable that we help the world shine, even through these unusually dark summer days. 

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Innocence Offered to the Gods


Trying to be soft,
learning to work.

I'm undoing your
tender heart.

Undressing anything
you might apologize to.

Even bare naked bones
aren't enough for you. 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Footprints and Farewells


The first time I ever went to a beach
I wrapped the name of another around
my tongue but dared not speak it
as I ventured on with their sister and
my own mother ( her's as well in a way).

Which I suppose made his name taboo
in one way or another, but that is besides
the point now; I am here to tell you

about the first time I ever went to the beach
and how I sat there watching the waves
pull away footprints of people who left
before we arrived and I heard the sun
laugh along with groups of prettier girls than I.

Now that I live close to a beach,
the waves are still taking away the sand
I got in my shoes all four years ago
and along with that sand they tug at
the letters of your name and the colors
of your face. Which is not to say that

you have been replaced by that other name
forked like barbed wire or a burning pitchfork,

simply that times change and somehow
the ocean remains the same despite
swallowing unsaid goodbyes whole.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

NaPoWriMo #7 2017 Forget About Tomorrow

There are no tears I'm wanting to cry,
but there's still not enough coffee in
the world to drown me deep enough
or keep me awake for everything
I have to do tomorrow.

Saying goodbye even for a few days,
kills me, and even though you've got on
a brave face, like most boys your age,
your eyes show pieces of you falling away.

So for now, let's build one more
pillow fort and play stuffed animal
dodge ball, like when we were young,
I'll even let you scout for materials first.

Then we'll have at it,
little to no rules (except
the obvious, no breaking stuff)
and when it's all over,
the winner (you) gets
any lunch they want.

Mac and cheese?

Or have your tastes changed since
the days of Saturday morning cartoons
climbing trees just for the perfect pictures?

Either way, it doesn't matter,
lunch is on me, so that the coming
goodbye, godspeed, see you soon,
won't be so bad, so it won't

cut so deeply. 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Here's to Moving on


I'm not sad when I say this, because I'm happy now too, but I'm glad you've found someone who can make you outshine the sun the way you made me rival the stars. Congratulations, and if you guys want to go out for lunch sometime, there's a great new restaurant on the corner of 1st and Rose. 

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Poetry about a Poet's Poems


Everyone's got this story
in their own voice, but 
few of them can word 
it as beautifully as

 you. 

Monday, July 24, 2017

At the Station's Mercy


As the radio plays and the songs slow as they shift from one to another and you make your crazy little jokes, look at me in your weird ways, dance along with poor tempo, and strange patterns. These are the moments that will live on even when we can't. Although it does make me wonder what your favorite song is today. 

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Beautifully Young Instances of Friction


It's not the hotel sheets that make our story so lovely. It's the way everyone else backed off and let us live for ourselves. 

Friday, July 21, 2017

Read the Warning



You know I'm one of those writer types that just never learns to stop, so what's so surprising about the book in your hands saying that I won't write you sonnets daily, (but the stars don't even begun to compare to you.) Saying hello was beautiful like a rose blooming right before the camera clicks and goodbye will be the instigator of the world's second end. Reminding you how every day spent with you is my new favorite day. Whispering the wind's ever popular secrets to you between sheets and sunrise just to see that smile you have just for me. You know I'm one of those writer types, most people would tell you to hold on to me as long as possible. But I'm really not sure I agree. 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Strawberry Summers

One day everything we do will be perfect, maybe like this:

The devil's promise is all
I can remember
about our lovely summer.

So many midnights in
Rome running around
waiting for stars
that would never
show up on time.

All our confused illusions
painting a new scene in
such an ancient place,
as we laughed with such
tenacity in the streets,
only to smile at all the
strange faces frozen in
that hilarious horror.

Or that afternoon
we were sitting outside
sipping coffee a little
too bitter, and that mad
man walked up to you
with his cryptic message;

"Watch out when she
cries, love never
causes tears so
perfect."

When we just looked
at each other in
confused amazement;
what exactly did
he mean anyway?

The memory book is
covered in a velvet
crush plum color that
reminds me of the shirt
you wore on the plane
trip home.

As hot as the sun was
and long as the days were,
I hope you still think
of it as fondly as I do;

Honestly and truly I
am pretty sure we
fell in love that strawberry

summer...

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Pink Twinkling Stars


Being young, living how we want, enjoying the moment. I couldn't ask for more, could you?

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Cracks and Gold


Darling, someday you're going to understand just how beautiful you've always been to me. "Broken" and all. 

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Out for Lunch


Thank you for taking the time to see me today, we were both going crazy and I think it was really quite nice to laugh with you again. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

So Fucking Fragile


There's so much sorrow in your eyes that all I can think to say is that it's going to be okay. And there's this thing called "slam poetry" - it's made of meter and rhyme but it's almost always better on the spot that way it's pure thought so like I said I don't know what's wrong, but if it helps I'll write you this poem/rap/song.

Because there's a great sorrow in me too - only I can't describe mine, because it's the kind of pain you don't just feel but you carry it deep within your bones and tears escape at the strangest of times cause memories tug on your heart strings. And my god, dear fucking god, it stings.

So when I saw the blue threatening storms behind your eyes I figured you should know you're not alone, and this Agony we're carrying, she's the biggest fucking bitch on the planet - triggering hurricanes and forest fires in your veins at the flip of a single switch; you're not alone.

My god, thank heaven we're not alone. Everyone feels this way at some point.
I'm just so sorry you had to bare such a weight at suck a young age, maybe now you'll create something like I've been trying to do for so long. Oh wait, you're gone.

Go ahead and flood these streets, burn your favorite bridges - I'll help you rise from the ashes 'cause there's no use wasting this godsend of angel feathers and togetherness.

Darling, there are rivers in your eyes and storms daring to pull us apart. Don't you dare let it - we've come far too far as strangers to walk separate roads now. In fact, I believe, we could be excellent friends and even better people soaring up and out of this muck and grime.

So anyway, there's this thing called "slam poetry" and I think that's what this will be 'cause I know prose and I write normal poetry and this sure as hell ain't either one of those. So maybe if you take my hand here and now we can be friends or lovers rhyming through the emotional ladders and scales together - striving for stars the human eye can't even see yet.

Maybe we've got halos and spots waiting for our names so we can change the world or maybe even end this vicious cycle of dying over nothing. God damn it, I let NOTHING kill me yet again.

I hope you at least died over something worth a damn 'cause you let the storms take you before we said farewell or the simple "Godspeed, Darling."

I hope you died over something worth a damn.

Godspeed, Darling. 

Godspeed. 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Could Do Better


"Wishes cast
upon glowing
plastic stars

affixed to the
ceiling by a
naive broken
heart

never come true."

But those on eyelashes
cut loose by effortlessly
flowing tears

and candles lit just
for the hell of it
when the only things worthy
of burning are photographs 
and poorly written letters

almost always do. 


* What is in the quotations was not written by me. 

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Home is Happiness


Rockelsue! SMURHA! Coconuts love ants! Bread! Katorange! I'm not taking your picture, smile, click! Skittles at one am! Our pet ninja Sam!

Thank you for always making me laugh so much, I couldn't have asked for better people in my life. 

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Through the Grapevine



Someone told me that you left town yesterday saying that you were going to find me and make things right again. I hope that they were wrong.

Because things are right here. Without you. 

Monday, July 3, 2017

The Long Roads Away From Here


Darling, you keep popping in and showing up for a few days at a time, but would it really be so bad if you stayed around sometime?

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Remember Summer Every Day


I would love to be the sun
that shines back at you
whenever you're searching for
hope further up than you
know how to reach. 

Friday, June 30, 2017

June's Lullabye


Summer storms whisper
nearly silent promises while

wind trembling gets
casually tangled up
in thoughts of you.

Sing a siren's song
of hope and love
for tonight or tomorrow

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Moral Support From the Finish Line


When summer gets here I will write to you every day. I will send you postcards from home and photos from everywhere we've ever wanted to go.

When the leaves begin changing I will call and ask about your day every night. I will send you a piece of advice for staying ahead before you even get up.

When the first snowflake falls upon your yard I will claim you as my muse and spoil you rotten with poetry and presents. I will tend to the fires keeping your dreams ablaze.

When Spring arrives with arms filled with lavenders wearing a crown of chained daisies I will fill your belly with hope and be there to keep you moving as the exhaustion settles in.

This year, my promise to you, is that you will not be alone. 

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Awake Even Before the Coffee


Today we will adventure through the bedroom with markers and some glue. We will lie in the living room taking journeys with animated characters to worlds we've never known. We will travel the world in the kitchen as we try a new recipe from a new place. We will play games in the dining room and live out futures and realities that humans just never will know personally. And at the end of the night, we will sigh in slight disappointment that we will not be able to do it all again tomorrow. 

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

General Kindness


Usually I am not like this, but thank you for keeping me in your prayers for all this time. The favor will be returned when you need it most.  

Monday, June 26, 2017

Freckled Orion


Find one unique thing about yourself and embrace it. You are stunning. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

First Day on the Job


You have no reason to be so nervous. However, whatever you are feeling in this moment is totally and completely valid. Just try not to worry about me so much, I'm perfectly comfortable and ready for this. 

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Birthing the Universe


The sun has begun to rise again and I've seen the way morning light brightens up your face when we wake up next to each other. Now it's your turn to hang in there just a little longer, better days are starting to catch up to us. 

Friday, June 23, 2017

For the Blue Jays Flying Soon


When trigonometry begins looking like the biology charts for mitosis your mind drifts away to the people who helped you through such trying times, and the moment English reminds you of the past but your focus races towards stumbling German or half-finished drawings and waste-basket poems it's fine.

Because you have your whole life ahead of you, and you don't always need the same people as when you're young. Maybe it's the sunshine and all the growing you do between birth and the moment you realize your song has already been sung. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Memo for Moving On


Look, I'm tired of living my life around promises unkept from days when I couldn't even decide what to have for breakfast. So in case you get the bright idea, or slightest inclination of returning, I'd like to ask you to keep your distance instead. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Watching Dawn Awaken



The world may be falling around us, but at least I know what tomorrow brings and that guarantees at least one smile from your sunshiney face.

That's so much more than I've had in some of my darkest hours, and for that I thank you. 

Friday, June 9, 2017

Runaway Model


You gave me a reason to try something new, to wear brighter colors, to leave my hair down, to walk a little slower, to hold my head just a bit higher, to feel better so I'll look better, to smile at Trouble, to laugh in the face of Danger, to start living my life more with each day, and you're not even here to see the results. 

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Joyfully


Today I remembered your advice about screaming numbers.

I cried today. But that's okay, because if you were here, you'd cry too.

This morning I received wonderful news. 

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Dreaming of Brooksfeild Again


I can't tell if you were here to introduce me to so many of my favorite things, or if they have become my favorites because you showed them to me.

Either way, in our short passing, I wonder what I might have done for you. 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Ultimate Solar Flare


When all of this started you were the sun with little flecks of moon dust sprinkled in your soul. Now all that's left is a handful of carbon.

You burned yourself up far too fast for me to hold. 

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Sunlit Saturdays


Sunlight streams in from the hotel skylight 

and your arms loosen up around me enough 
for me to roll over to face you. Gently you 
pull me closer again, put your lips to mine, 
and whisper, “Good morning Beautiful.” 

My brother groans from the corner and 
pulls the blanket over his head more. 
The others are still asleep in the bed 
to our right and the fog against the window 
sparkles in the final sparks of the steadily 
dimming street lights. I want to pull myself 
even closer, press your chest to mine, 
let my words dance along your neck and 
tell you about the dreams I had in your arms. 

I want to know how wonderfully you slept 
and to let the day pass lazily with us like this. 
I want the stars to come out again and to 
be your teddy bear just a little while longer. 

Sunlight streams in from the hotel skylight 
I’ve never really been a morning person 
until my habit of weekends with you began.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Maybe not Today


Someday you are going to understand just how beautiful you are. 

Thursday, May 25, 2017

How to "Grow up"


Darling, you know as well as I do that nostalgia is never going to be a bad thing so long as you use it to fuel new desires and goals.

Anyway, happy birthday!

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Taking on City Life


Maybe I'll just never be up to speed with you the way we once wanted.

But thank you for stopping by, it's nice to hear from you once in a while.

Oh, and by the way - I'm happy for you. Really, I am. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

A Smile so Great


Sometimes good deeds are not meant to be thanked outright, but merely eventually from someone else. Not everything has to happen now. Not everything must happen here. 

Monday, May 22, 2017

For Nolan


As you stumble forth growing
up and out of
your roots I hope your branches
flourish.

That you have a leaf
for every occasion
to fall back on as you carry on
down this winding road.

May flowers bloom and bords
call your heart home
as you find yourself among
this forest of life. 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

20 Minute Lines


There's nothing wrong with remembering your childhood, fondly.

No one will fault you for reliving the days where you could play on the streets til dinner, but never after, spontaneously.

Ice cream will never be good for you, but there's still no such thing as too much of it, happily.

Maybe you're no trapeze artist anymore, but you are one hell of a person, truly.

I hope you enjoyed today as much as I did, even though we didn't talk, purely. 

Just Listen



Please understand:

you are the oceans
and the seas -

the tree branches and
their leaves.
You are the sunrise

in the morning and
starlight when I sleep -
you are the colors after

a rainstorm, your
warmth thaws the
winter's freeze.

You are the air
that I breathe -
you are the wind songs

in the breeze.
You are my entire world,
you mean everything to me. 

Friday, May 19, 2017

Clothed in Memories


And someday when you least expect it I will write our story on you in hopes you will tag the sheets with our symbols using my lipstick as your medium of choice. I will sing the first song we danced to in the moonlight as we waltz through the hearts of strangers walking along side each other downtown. You will take the lead for once because I've had it every other time. Someday when you least expect it our story will be written on you and our names will remain somewhere we've been, don't remember, and will never see again. 

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Vigil for the Mistakes of a Mistake


You don't have to be perfect, but if you really want to make things better after this hurricane of you has come in and torn down everything she ever loved, then a great place to start would be taking a few steps in the right direction.

You know, the direction of helping her pick up her own pieces before searching the sidewalk for your own. 

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Sundance Bliss


I love rose petal delight
covered in the glow of a
rising Dawn.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Thank God for Wonderland


It's official, you've gone mad. Good news is there's a wonderful place waiting for you and the celebration of your arrival.

Congratulations on another fantastic year leading you into the person you've always wanted to be!

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Gotta Get Out


You get up, brush your teeth, go where you need to go, do what you have been told to do, go home, eat, sleep, and do it all over again. You believe that everyone else that can read these words does the same thing. So when you see a teacher going into the lounge for what seems like a cup of coffee and realize that she is staying there for hours and hours at a time. You hear the other faculty members telling each other that she is living out of her car so she sleeps on the couch when she can.

Then you think your friends are just joking with make up and cheap theatrics when they show up with black eyes and scratched arms. Until you pass them in the hallway and see them getting pushed around by the older kids. Suddenly you understand why they won't let you walk with them and why they always look so sad.

Next you go home to find that your parents still aren't talking and there is a new woman in the master bedroom with your dad. She's only half dressed and your mom is in the kitchen crying. But she assures you that it's because of the onions she is chopping to put in pasta sauce. The same excuse as the night before when she ordered pizza because she was too blinded by tears to find the ingredients she wanted. Finally you understand why they were talking in hushed tones late at night and why they were receiving bills from lawyers down town.

Later when you get older you will go to work and do the very best you can. You will do what you are told you need to do and get all the things you need to live in this big confusing world. Peers will envy you and your boss will love you. Some people might begin coming to you for help with their work only until they disappear. You will realize that they just did not do things nearly as well. Then you will see them walking dogs through the park or standing on street corners holding up signs for the big department stores.

Because you always see what you want to see from where you stand and you don't ever dare to ask any questions or check things out from other perspectives. You use your senses as minimally as possible and never try to dig deeper. And everything is never as it seems - everyone has more to their story. It's only so often that someone dares to do what you (and the rest of the world) do.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Few Hours from the Highway


I know, sometimes you just need a way out, a moment to think alone, but thank you for hanging around one more day.

You made countless people smile, simply by being here to smile back at them. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Dream Filled Nights


You make the most wonderful teddy bear I've ever had. Please don't let me sleep alone ever again. 

Monday, May 8, 2017

Make Tchaikovsky Proud


It was almost like they were on their own stage, twinkling lights of the most unusually usual kind, a pair of voices that played off of each other in the most awkwardly beautiful of ways, a ballet of their own - one that has yet to be released to the public, able to compete with the Nutcracker and Swan Lake. Together they danced with shadows, pirouetting and twirling in their own way, creating moves that no audience of all ages would be able to handle, and yet, it's so perfect it'd be a shame not to expose to all.