Thursday, May 29, 2014

Never Forget



I close my eyes and I think of you. That song with a melody I could never get quite right and lyrics that have never been sung, at least not together, not all at once, not out loud for anyone to hear, continues to play through my mind. And when I try to sleep your arms are around me and your heart beats beneath your chest as it rises and falls beneath my head, just like we always said it would. Only we never got those moments and I am not sure if we ever will. But I just wanted you to know that I realized this, maybe it's too late, but I realized that people come and go but they are never truly forgotten. Because everyone you meet teaches you something important, whether you catch it or not and you, well, you were my greatest teacher of all. To this day, even in your absence, I am learning from you.

Artistic Pain



Dear Diary, (and my lovely stranger) I will be home late tonight. There will be blood on my cape and the dishes will have to wait another night. The main water pipe burst a few days ago and we are just now starting to see the problems that causes in a tiny rented house with wood floors and already screwed up plumbing. Dear Diary, my oldest friend, love that turned to lust and longing that turned to misunderstanding, today was not good. I will be home late and dinner will not be made for me or for the shadows residing between my bed and the window. All this breaking and pain all this emptiness and loneliness is  beginning to eat away at my soul at my inspiration, at my already destroyed heart (the only gift I would ever be able to give you, besides my scarred body and failed attempts at inking out these tangled thoughts of you, of us, of the me I wish I was.) Dear Diary, my dear sweet book of lines, as I don't expect you to understand this I still require your excellent listening skills. Especially today when I met a stranger all too perfect, a boy who thinks like me (in odd manors of the world) but in such dark forms of the truth. And he reminds me of the people I used to know before we fought and they grew up to forget me. He is like you in the way he cares without caring, the way robots do before they are finished being programmed. Dear Diary, my beautiful existence in a not so beautiful place, I love you for the effort you give absorbing this crimson ink night after night. I hate you for not being able to council me to any avail. I crave you in the most unusual of ways because in doing so it makes me feel like something matters like I matter when its so much more than clear that I am a single blip in an endless infinity that will never even know that I existed in the first place. Dear Diary, I know you cannot read these words the way random passers by will, but I think I love you all the more for that and loathe them all the same because they don't understand what I am trying so fucking hard to say. Dear Diary, I will  be home late tonight, There will be blood on my cape and the dishes will have to wait another night because there is only so much saving lousy superhero wanna bes like me can do in a single day.

Good night my dearest Diary. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A Heart's Random Ramblings



Dear You,

As much as I like to believe you will never see these words life has a funny way of proving me wrong at any given opportunity. This being said you have brought me to a much more joyful place in my life than I can remember being in a while.

With you words just flow so much easier than they can be written, every love song ever written has some sort of relevance, and stars shine brighter than ever before just for us. Maybe that is just because of the love I have for you, and maybe it's the way the entire world lights up when you smile or how everything laughs along when you do.

Whatever the reason, I am so very glad you are part of my life. So many people have spent countless hours telling me that I deserve more than what I had in the past and I finally see what they meant by that. So thank you for finding your way into my experiences.

I love you.

Good Morning



I heard you have been dreaming about me a bit lately. I don't dream I rarely sleep or I'd make you feel better and say I have been dreaming of you too. But I figured lying isn't the best way to start something like this anyway. Really, I don't want to lie to you, because that's always how it starts and I'd rather keep you as long as I can (in my life that is). Anyway, I know you are still safe in bed, wrapped in Sleep's gentle embrace, dreaming (possibly of me), so I hope you sleep well. And when you wake up I hope today is one of the best you have ever had.

Did you know sometimes the moon is brighter than the sun?

Monday, May 26, 2014

Losing Sleep Peacefully



Thank you for staying up with me these past few nights. It's just I haven't been myself for a while and now that I'm better I don't know what to do with myself. Sleep is for the exhausted, for the sad, for the lost and I think I have let that thought get to me more than ever before. Thank you for going on that unorthodox walk with me the other day. But you see, history, people are more interesting than singing birds and blossoming flowers. At least the ghosts all gave us their blessings (not that we are ever going to be anything like that, but it still felt nice). Thank you for showing me something new to enjoy, to kill time with. Maybe this summer won't be so bad. I mean at least this time I have you, don't I?

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Read This When You are Feeling Down



To me,

It hurts to hold on. to know that you might be fighting for a lost cause. But you, you are fighting for yourself, for your life, for your happiness and you will NEVER ever be a lost cause. Too many people love you too much to let you fall so far like that.

It hurts to get out of bed and go on with your day, but if you could only go minute to minute or even hour to hour finding and pointing out the things surrounding you that you do appreciate, you would make this so much easier for yourself.

Because you have people around you. Wonderful, amazing friends and that won't ever change because you know that they would all give anything to keep you in their lives, to help you stay happy and well. You have unparalleled creativity and you can always use that. You are surrounded by inspiration everywhere you o. You are constantly surrounded by people, experiences, places, and things that you are truly appreciative for, you just never take the time to notice that.

I know it hurts, please hold on. Please.

Love, Me.

Only You



Thank you for being my canvass on those days I left my sketchbook on the kitchen counter beside unmade coffee and burned eggs I didn't have enough time to eat. I love you for the hugs when nothing seemed to be going right and how you would let me write poetry on you in colors that blind us with words too big to fit in the spaces we found (the ones written in whipped cream and other sweet treats). You were not only a means of creation but often times my muse as well. And someday when my name is known and the whereabouts of my grave have been forgotten the entire world will remember that you were history's most valuable piece of meaninglessly meaningful artwork. 

Friday, May 23, 2014

Thought I Could Fly



I don't know who else to write this to
you seem to understand me 
more than others try

so I am going to pour my heart out 

to you

now. 


I hope that's alright,

but you're the kind of person that will say yes 
to anything

so long as someone's emotional well being 

will benefit. And I promise
mine will 

So dearest diary and closest friend,

I hope all is well in your world
because in mine the skies are grey
the clouds refuse to move away 

I miss the sun

I don't remember what a smile is
I feel trapped in my own being

pencils with lead and pools of ink

just don't know how to convey
the things I feel right now

my thoughts eat themselves

before I get the chance to think them
and I am breathing enough to get by
but it's only just enough with no extra space
to breathe. 

I don't understand it either,

there's nothing at all wrong 
everything around me is fine,

but I need to say something

in hopes you will have the cure 
I need more than ever before

being alone is a choice 

but
loneliness is a disease

and lately:


I am more alone than ever before. . . 


While I don't expect you 

as a book with uneven lines
and coffee stains or a person
with a life to live and your own fears to face
to understand this or to help me at all

I don't know who else to write this to

you seem to understand me 
more than others try

so I am just here on your door step pouring my heart out

to you.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Last Letters In the Bag



Words, I need you now, now more than ever before, a and the especially, because you are two of the most used words in the entire English language; especially when there is nothing left to say except the story of who you are and where you've been. Letters, you twisted scribbles, meaningless glyphs, I have so many things to say to you and I need you to help me make that possible. Darling, oh my dear, sweet, sweet Darling, there is so much to do before you can go on packing your belongings because there is so much to do before you have anywhere to go. Because as you so often fail to notice, people are a fickle matter and life is even more impossibly so.

Today, someone called me a hero, which is something I can't quite say I fully understand. As she gathered her things and began to walk away she pointed her finger in your direction and whispered that you, you are god without even being a god at all. Both of these accusations brought me to a momentary relapse in all that I have ever thought I could really ever truly know, but you see, the biggest problem with all of this is that I have never saved anyone; I have never wanted anything more than to do so though. You, Darling, you have never been idolized and you are mere mortal in the grand scheme of things, sadly. There are so many other things the both of us have been deemed, but you see, Darling, as so often is the case, there is truth to those names.

You are beautiful and kind, you are the sweetest soul alive and you whisper words that dance along the back of necks and down spines so perfectly it's damn near addicting. Darling, how could your breath be so alcoholic without even drinking? And Darling, oh my dear Darling, don't you know that the words you spew and the feeling you create are the most sought after weed known to man.

I, I am love, I am pure in my own ways, and in a matter of speaking that does make me a hero; depending on the terminology you choose to elect your own for the purposes of this debate. However, I think now is also as good a time as any for me to clearly, positively, note that I am an ashen angel of silk wings tarnished with blood and soot in the most glorious of ways. I have only fallen at the expense of saving you before you had clear enough conscience to live and die at your own will.

 Darling, I am drunk, and I don't think you get what that means in this case.

Darling, I am drunk and words just don't sound the same. Darling, I am high off of your scent, off of your beliefs and your stories, off of anything and everything you have ever said or done involving me. Only it's not the kind of intoxication that lands people in jail for doing dumb things; nor is it the kind that kills your soul and eats away at your thoughts the way lovers do when you stay up all night trading secrets, sipping coffee, for the very first time in said relationship. I am in love and as much as I hate those awfully potent, misguided, meaningless words, nothing in my life has ever been so true.

Darling, I am drunk. And my poison, well, that, that was you.

Yes, I Love You



I think today a new part of me will be born. Yesterday pieces of me died.

I think you need to know this. You are wonderful and brilliant. Handsome and kind. I have not been much of myself lately, I'm sorry for that. Today I feel better, more like I should. So it was never you I was mad at, never you I was trying to hurt. Only ever me. Because humans have a bad habit of blaming themselves for the slightest things, the ones farthest from their control and this being said we tend to destroy ourselves before we save others. Before we make ourselves happy or better or whole. Or even allow ourselves to love.

I think today a new part of me will be born. Yesterday my soul shattered and now my heart will heal. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Another Sticky Note Bookmark Message



Naturally I am a night person, there is a kind of stillness and silence that most people just don't try to understand. It's the kind of time that inspiration literally oozes from every corner of the room and in every noise you hear. While everyone else is sleeping silently studying dreams that will never make sense, will never be deciphered. People don't seem to get this, they think me weird, but my mind works so much better when the stars are shining and my midnight angel is out to protect me.

Will you stay up and talk with me tomorrow night?

Melancholy Mornings



Lately it seems like everything I do is leading up to something wrong, something big, bad, and scary coming up soon. So I wake up, I go to the mirror and I practice saying goodbye. It's a sad, sad thing to do but I don't want you to pick up on that, I don't want you to see the tears in my eyes every time you say "see ya later" because I don't know if I will see you again and I don't have the heart to tell you that. Lately it seems like someone is about to leave and be gone for good so I practice saying goodbye so whoever it is doesn't hear the sound of a shattering heart as we embrace each other for the final time. I know it sounds sad, but please don't worry, it's just me probably overreacting. 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Importance



Dear You,

As much as I like to believe you will never see these words life has a funny way of proving me wrong at any given opportunity. This being said you have brought me to a much more joyful place in my life than I can remember being in a while.

With you words just flow so much easier than they can be written, every love song ever written has some sort of relevance, and stars shine brighter than ever before just for us. Maybe that is just because of the love I have for you, and maybe it's the way the entire world lights up when you smile or how everything laughs along when you do. 

Whatever the reason, I am so very glad you are part of my life. So many people have spent countless hours telling me that I deserve more than what I had in the past and I finally see what they meant by that. So thank you for finding your way into my experiences. 

I love you. 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

The Superheros Exist Too



Yes, I saw you fall down the stairs, I saw you slip in the rain; but I also saw you carry your friend all the way across town when she fell and hit her head at the bar the other night. I heard when you told the little twin boys that live upstairs everything would be okay if only they could find the light from the sun each morning when they got up. And today I saw you bleeding on the white tile in your bathroom because your pain drove you to cut too deep. So I thought you should know that if anyone in this goddamned town deserves the title of a real life super hero its you; because you take care of everyone else before yourself and you fall and you get beaten up but you always i mean ALWAYS get back up again with a smile on your face. And I love you so much for this.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Imagination's Immortality



 That is exactly why people fear words the way they do and why you love as much as you do.

Ideas live on even after you are gone. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

All That There Is



To the Dreamers,
       To the Believers,
             For the Lovers,
                   For the Fighters,

You wake up knowing that you have something to live for. You go through the day with some sort of passion for everything you do. You have ideas and creativity that can never be paralleled. You either know who you are or who you want to be or you are actively searching and that is so much more than most people in this world can say.

These words are here to thank you for never losing sight of what is important, for always trying your very best in all that you do, for standing up for the things you believe in (Even the lost causes and hopeless cases), and for never, ever giving up on anything. You are one of a very previous few and for that I love you wholly, entirely, and completely.

Forever,
One of the dreamers

Friday, May 2, 2014

May 3 2014



The Memory of Beauty By Iain S. Thomas:

(I hope you are okay.) I hope things are beautiful. And even if they're not, then I hope you remember this moment right now when they are. Because you've got to hold up each and every other moment to the moment when things are beautiful and say

"Look, I told you. Remember this."

Dearest Viewer,
My loveliest love,

I think that this is a good way to begin this chapter in our story because right now life is getting in the way and we all need a little help sometimes. Some mornings you just won't want to get out of bed in  the morning and the only thing you will need is a little encouragement. This is my revised addition of the human journey I have nicknamed "Something With Meaning". Thank you for being here now, thank you for finding this.

Sincerely,

Rene'