Saturday, April 30, 2016

Waiting for the Sky to Fall

You were so busy throwing rocks at the God you spent so long believing in, only to be betrayed more than ever before, that you didn’t even notice the vibrant flowers in your pocket until they were already dead. Spend less time being angry and more time enjoying yourself.

Poet Falling for Poet

I still remember the days when you hung onto every word I said committing them not only to memory, but to heart as well. Sometimes I wonder if you still recall any of them, and if not, how much did you have to shave away to get rid of my imprints?

Friday, April 29, 2016

Chasing Cars

We moved so fast. I was innocent at first, then that was gone with you in its footsteps. We read poetry and wrote all our own songs, you offered me your breath and ran away with my pulse. I guess I just wasn't fast enough for you. 

Something to Live For

All these bright colors you identify yourself with, I hope they have more unique meaning to you than the "obvious" ones.

In memory of the musical legend Prince

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Speak Up

I need you to stand up and tell me that you're not okay with this if that is the case. How else would you expect me to know unless you say something about it. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Orange Juice Explosion

We've been a disaster before, but never anything quite like this. Thank you for turning something so terrible into a great memory. 

Monday, April 25, 2016

Painting of Vines

Untangling -

It's not easy
like washing your hands.

It's impossible

to remove the colors
or the artist

staining me. 

Sunday, April 24, 2016

This Isn't Poetry

I don't write poetry -

I write midnight alleyways,
touch that looks around.

I write your name
and write flowers
that magically blossom
in the silent shape
of your name.

I write them
showing up
at your house
while you sleep.

I write your voice
as petals for reason.

I write you. 

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Love is an Earthquake

If it seems like I never capitalize your name anymore it's only because I spent so long biting my lip over that name when you weren't around.

And if you notice that I haven't called you lately, it's only because your voice still gives me the kind of goosebumps that last for days and I don't have the time for that now.

You rattled my bones so many more times than I can count, and as such the cities of ideas inside my veins are still trying to recover and rebuild around my scars and your fault lines. 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Your Head to my Chest

Cry all you need, hold me as tight as you like, just don't say anything. Listen and believe me when I tell you that everything's going to be okay.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Growing Old Side by Side

Press my petals between your pages -

let’s pretend that we’ll be together forever
because fading isn’t dying it’s just changing -

and change is supposed to be good, right?

Sunday, April 17, 2016

De ja Vu or Something Like That

When I can't sleep I count the invisible angel feathers from all the hugs you weren't here to give. 

Saturday, April 16, 2016

We Missed

We met once in San Francisco
I was interested mainly in staying alive
I won't apologize for the war -
I even believed in heroics
(for others, not for me).

I keep aiming with loathing
but my bombs are candy
and I've lost the will to fire -
just sugar and spun air,
(they want me to scare you).

Friday, April 15, 2016

Oceans Fit to Burst

Every time I come across bluebells

whether in reality or photographs

I hear your voice reminding me

that I was beautiful in your eyes.

And I know that bluebells are

pretty just like me, and maybe

just maybe I am one of them.

That would explain so much.

Like why I die every winter

just before your birthday

and come to life in Springtime

that might be why we are

exactly 6 years and 6 months apart,

the precise reason we could never last,

and the excuse I’ll use for losing you

that first moment summer warmed up. 

Thursday, April 14, 2016

The Big Bang

No one ever said that us being close meant that everything would be perfect. They never told us that the world was our stage or that Time was incapable of freezing. And they "forgot" to warn us of all the common knowledge they've already acquired. But if anything had been any different we wouldn't be here giving birth to an entirely new universe. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Necessities First

And I need to know if wishes on shooting stars
can still come true.

I need to understand if there's any sort of ratio
between the amount of wishing and hoping one does
per weight, height, or size to each supposedly magical object.

And I need to know if belief in angels
really promises entrance to heaven.

I need to learn what the meaning of "Happiness" is -
that word is as foreign to me as your name was
ten and a half years ago.

And I need to devour every scrap of information
there is available.

Because I am in the most desperate pair of shoes
I've ever owned. The skies are liars, filled with sun
but putting up a facade of grey and rain.

And I can't take another day of rain,
I miss the beach. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

Accidental Poet

Dear ****,

Sweetheart, you managed to make me something beautiful in a shattered world. You took my heart and completely remade it, just for us. And just before you left you begged me to stay safe even though you knew what my answer would be already. Sweetheart, I felt alive when I was with you so please, please don't come back, I've found something better.

But it was two years ago today that I ran from you outside of the high school library. Two years since the words hung to the fleeting movement and steady flow of people. You left an interesting legacy for today to carry on every year to come.


Sunday, April 10, 2016

Heartshapped Bandages

I forgive you -

because in my mind

band-aids still make

the pain go away

just like when

we were little

pushing each other

on the swings so we

could watch each other

jump off

skinning our knees

on the wood chips

so we had another

story to tell.

Just like when

we were playing with

the dog next door and

he got too excited

scratching at us for more

that night we bled

together in the living room

while watching the

Land Before Time movies

and eating twizzlers

cleaning out the cuts

every hour on the hour

turning our dolls to the wall

so they didn’t have nightmares

from the sight of blood.

I forgive you -

because even though

it’s been ten years,

we’re still young. . .

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Symbolism's Beauty

Wind comes back to the mind
every time.
Sea tells the journey of hearts
with each wave.
And Rain is the Sorrow we must face
every once in awhile.

I'm the last poet to teach themself
those meanings-
all the others find themselves newly
interested in stars.

Or maybe they all work well
and most of the old gang is just
too far gone
to confirm such a discovery
in perfect verse. 

Friday, April 8, 2016

Welcome Home

I hate not being able to introduce you to music you would love simply for the fact I can't bare the weight of knowing that you'll change the way you think of it when I'm gone.

Even if you're the one to walk away it'll still be my head on your goddamned silver platter waiting to be chopped up even more - for your pleasure.

And I know right now it's no big deal, but haven't you ever listened to the radio before? Don't you know what it's like to be stung by the voice of a stranger singing a song that once meant the world to you?

Or have you never let anyone in this far before - despite having learned their every goddamned nook and cranny.

Oh but don't worry Love, I still remember every fucking note you introduced me to - even the ones after you fell off the face of this


too still


Thursday, April 7, 2016

If Only

If it were up to me I'd help you strip down to nothing but your soul and bones. I'd take up all your old space in an effort to become just as much a part of you as any other part of you. Then in the stillness we would break the silence with talk of how the other tastes and what pairings would be the best. Next we break the stillness by joining the silence in an exploration of ourselves within the other. Right down to the true, pure depths of the other. If I had things my way you'd wake up tomorrow feeling like a new person, covered in glitter and lipstick, feeling like you are on top of the world, you could run a marathon, you want water instead of soda, you have never cried or bled a day in your life (I wish that were true), feeling like love is the only force worth a damn in this whole heartbreak world, that lipstick is the most beautiful bitch to ever live, that the angel in your arms right now is the only person you will ever truly care about. Really, it's just days like this that I wish I could have it my way. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Toying with Comfort

This time, I promise, I've just been out living my life. Please tell me you've been doing the same. If not, I expect a letter soon. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

A Week Away From Home

You left messages on my laptop of all my favorite bedtime stories for times like this. You promised to keep your phone on and under your pillow for me, in case of nightmares or discomfort in the dark while you're away. You gave me teddy bears that "look" and smell  like you because we both know I'm afraid to sleep alone. It's been so long since this worry started, but I think it's time to stop. You'll be home soon, I'm strong on my own, and that's enough for me.

Monday, April 4, 2016


You have always been so lovely, so sweet, so kind. Please don't lose that as grey skies move in. 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Owning up to "Chernobyl"

To my Dearest Father,
This is a letter of loathing
written in flowery language and vibrantly rosie ink
because I need you to understand something.

I need you to know that even though the way
the light hits your face makes you seem
like an angel I have seen your true colors -
I know how deeply ebony your soul really is painted.
I know how devastatingly crimson your heart is -
like a summer rose in its first bloom.

I need you to understand that I know I inherited
my pretty blue eyes from you but mine are innocent
despite my mistakes and yours are the same steely grey
as the lovely shade of prison you painted the house
on Audubon place. "Daddy," I have seen the way
the world looks upon you with such friendly pity
as they dote and doddle you to feel better, but I know
that you dove deep enough to drown the current
did not pull you under.

And now that I am nearing my final days
(96 to be exact) as your little girl I realize I was
never your little princess and you were never my
big, strong king preparing the kingdom for me.
So as a self-made queen, from one generation to another,
I am close enough to freedom to declare
my independence from you. that's right I said it,
in all honesty, I am deeply, completely head over heels
Independent of you.

You have lost every ounce of compassion
I could ever have from you. As my declaration
of independence, this is my farewell -
normally I would wish you well at the end
but this time I think its much more fitting
to send off with a big, giant fucking Go to hell!

Rest in Peace,
Madison Rene Kuhlmann