Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Missing You

I found a basket of strawberries molding in my fridge this morning and when I went to throw them away, I just couldn’t. They made me wonder where you are now, Strawberry, and how things are. So now there’s black slowly creeping across mushy red blobs as they sit on my kitchen counter screaming that you miss me. They are staring at me with wild hair and bloodshot eyes like you used to. Strawberry, I don’t think it’s clear enough yet, but I miss you.

P.s. You haven’t started to rot already, have you?

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Treading Water

And when all you can do is live in the moment I hope you remember that the past isn't any less important now than it was then. And the future is still only ever a few seconds away. 

Monday, September 28, 2015

Halos and Pitchforks

Darling, it's official, you're my daemon. People have pushed you so far passed the breaking point and yet you're still whole, trying to find a reason to believe in the light I'm offering every situation. You're begging for change, tired of keeping yourself up at night so you can bury your dreams alive. It's official, you're my daemon, so let me be the fallen angel pulling you up to unclaimed ground. 

Sunday, September 27, 2015

On Our Own Screen

We all have movie screen moments for real when we least expect it. But today you made me feel like so much more than that. You made me feel like a movie star. 

Saturday, September 26, 2015

What Missing Adrenaline Feels Like

"And I bet you love to think that  I'm getting what you think I deserve for alienating my own flesh and blood, but you always seem to forget why that was in the first place. I'm sure you're sitting on the couch with it's ugly faded coffee swirls laughing your head off because you can see me getting pushed around by other kids with normal families or because you can hear my teachers trying to get through to me that life without a the love of a complete family isn't life at all.

But you're the only one who got what they deserve in someone else's eyes. Because I won't regret this and no one here's out to get me."

You wrote that when you were young, do you still feel the same way? Or have you moved on and created your own complete home?

Friday, September 25, 2015

To be Loved by a Poet and Darkness

I'm so sorry I took your words when you needed them most. And I never meant to cross your mind when you were trying to focus. Just like I never auditioned to play the role of your muse - we just sorta watched it happen and agreed. Because sometimes things just fall into place. 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Royal-less Invitation

Taken in Europe by a Wonderful friend

You're always so busy going somewhere, doing something for someone else who won't appreciate the time it took. There's always this look about you like you haven't slept in days only you have to at some point or you wouldn't be able to get all of this done. You stay on top of keeping clean and staying up to date with the times, but you never really grow anymore. Tomorrow, I'd like you to have dinner at my house so you can take a break and enjoy yourself for the first time since you learned to ride. 

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Flowing Lava: Births from Ashes

I'll be your ticket outta here if you'll give me a reason not to turn on the stereo. It's not that I don't want the music, just that I'd rather learn you all over again. That way when we get somewhere neither if us have ever been our shadows will be the only part of us left the same. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Dining Room Dancing

By my friend while traveling Europe
Photo by my friend while traveling Europe

 It doesn’t matter where you are or what song is playing for memories to be made. If you’re with someone you love and you enjoy being with make this song your song.

                Ain’t no rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant
You and me - Lifehouse

Monday, September 21, 2015

Just Another Drop of Paint

I'll be the one singing songs outside your window in both summer and winter, but I won't toss pebbles at the glass because then you'll want to see who I am. I'll be the one reading every word you write, nibbling everything you'll ever say with enough caution to to make them last not only this life but the next as well, I'll be the lights in the sky guiding you home when you're tired of being lost - I'll be your north star but I'll let the moon keep her place front and center. I'll be the wave that brings you back to shore when the tides get just a little too rough I'll be whatever you need to smile and you'll never have to ask my name because I'll be gone again by the first ray of morning's golden light. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

When You Need it

I hope that these words make you remember that you've got a friend here whenever you need. I hope you realize that these words are here for you in whatever way you need, whenever you need. And I want you to know that although in actuality I write them with someone I truly love in mind you were meant ti read them. They are here so you will find them in your greatest times of need. And even if we don't ever know each other's names or secrets or home towns, it's enough for me. U hope that these words can be there for you when the people who should be but can't. Trust me they want to be just as much as you do, if not more. Because sometimes good people, people we know well or sometimes even love, sometimes they can be even better than we ever thought. And that means that they think of you in ways you more than you realize. Because I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that you are wonderful and so are the people in your life. I'm trying to let you know that everything is okay and if it's not it will be tomorrow. And I hope more words and people than these and I are. Because you deserve it. 

Saturday, September 19, 2015

You Were Loved by an Artist

There’s no use wasting a perfectly good canvass, so why don’t you let me write our story on you in lipstick or eyeliner and sign it with a kiss. Or if you prefer I could draw all our best moments across your chest in chocolate and dreams like a storyboard or a comic book. As I’ve already said, there’s no use in wasting a perfectly good canvass, especially when it’s part of someone you love. 

Friday, September 18, 2015

Just one of Those Days

I know that there will be days when my only job will be lifting you up, because not everything is always going to be smiles and sunshine. But you'll have to forgive me also, because today's one of those days I'm fighting every fiber of my being from dragging you down with me.

Photo taken by a friend's friend.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Like Magnets or Blackholes

I may never see your face, but I dream of the possibilities when I miss you the most. Sometimes I wonder if I just started walking away from here what my chances of finding you would be like. I wonder if you'd recognize me by the color of my eyes or the flow of my conversations like I would know you by the roughness of your soul and the light in your smile.

Someday I'm just going to walk away from here and pray that I'll finally meet you somewhere along the way. Even if I don't know it's you.

Another photograph by Senyru or Mark

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The Drifting Process

As the shore slowly creeps away and this arctic sea of ours swallows anything and everything in between us, the photographs in my head are becoming clearer and clearer. I can see you waving from the harbor and I can see your smile igniting the whole room as we waltzed through the crowd of oblivious strangers. I may not be drawn back here after all we've been though, but one thing is for sure: neither this shore nor I could ever forget you.

Photograph by Senyru or Mark

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Dancing - Waiting in the Rain

I often find myself whispering, "We're only separated by a thin wall of glass," or "It's a real, true friendship, we've just never been in the same place at the same time." It's not the talking to myself that bothers me, it's the shocking realization that if it weren't for wires and a hundred sleepless nights, I'd never have met you. And believe me, that's so difficult to understand because it's so easy to imagine your laughter or feel what it would be like to dance in the rain that these "day dreams" of mine are more "real" than any memory I've ever had.

I often find myself saying, "We're only separated by a thin wall of glass," but that makes me wonder which of us is alone, waiting on the outside.

Photograph by my friend Senyru or Mark. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Oh Crocodile, My old Friend

Let's just pretend that every time the sun rises we have a second or a third or even a millionth chance to patch things up and reopen our hearts to one another. Because if we can both think like that we never have to feel the pain of losing a best friend that we just couldn't love as purely as they deserved. And if we play the game this way we can just calk it all up to another bad case of Fate. We can tell ourselves we were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. That way neither of us ever have to understand the struggle of teaching ourselves how to breathe again after decades of choking on air and words left unsaid. Let's just pretend that every time the sun rises we have another chance to do something right for each other.

Photograph by my friend "Senyru" or Mark. 

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Blueberry Scented Drawings

I just wanted you to know that you're important to me. I wanted to capture your beauty - the same beauty as the universe, on you. So that you would always have it. Because there is no reason for you to ever feel less wonderful than any other star out there. Because you area comet, the sun, and a God all at once. Because love makes you do funny things to prove your point.

It was only ever meant to be a washable universe made just for you. 

Nirvana and then Some

Someday you are going to thank me for breaking through your shell and tickling your wings out of hiding. There will come a point when you will smile over something we did years ago and the moment will be even more perfect when you glisten with me in the sparkle and glow that already lies within your worldly eyes.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Shooting Hoops After Class

I'll be your mermaid that can't swim, your wingless butterfly, and your angel hunting for her halo, if only you'd find that as beautiful as you used to. Darling, I'll be your anything if only you'd understand that you're my everything. Just tell me what you want from me. Please.


Because blood just isn't strong enough. 

Merry Happy HalllowThanksMasYear

Dearest angel, the holidays are quickly approaching and now that we're so far apart I understand not wanting to do much of anything or celebrating like we used to. But your smile is much precious to be lost due to a cracked heart and a few miles so please, keep your eyes open for new traditions of your own. Oh, and by the way presents and a card on their way. 

Friday, September 11, 2015

You Died Saving Me

Your ink was every shade of blue the mind can taste, just like my eyes. My mind was a glass rainbow shattered across the floor. Your's a never-ending galaxy of inspiration - ebony like my favorite pen. The more we tried to capture each other our failed attempts and gorgeous scribbles only brought us closer to being able to truly define ourselves.

I know you're not around I hope you found yourself, and just so you know

I still love you.

I've only ever loved you.

And I like to think you just "died" saving me.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Grasping at Straw

I know, it's been a whole since we've talked - I was starting to forget your voice too. It's just that I've been so happy for you that I thought maybe you didn't need me anymore. I just love you so much I'd hate to stand in your way - but I still thought about you every day. I did better than my best so that if you ever came back you'd have ample reasons to stay. Only now that we're talking - now that I've got you here I think I should go. You're even happier than you were before. 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Footprints up the Dock

Sometimes you have to leave a place behind - it's just the countless casualties that kill you more than staying ever could. 

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Since You're a Queen Today

We've both gone our separate ways, searching for something more to believe in than ourselves. Achieved more than we ever thought possible and found sunshine in the strangest of places. But today, my heart is with you (totally and completely - no matter who else needs it) because today is all about you.

Know I wish I could be there with you, standing at beside you when you blow out seventeen candles and cut the cake, but I've got a life to live here and you're almost two thousand miles away.

Happy Birthday!

I miss you so much. 

Monday, September 7, 2015

For Future Days Like Yesterday

Your days may not always glow and your stars might not shine forever, but your soul is brighter than any sun or candle could ever dream. So when you're down and missing your spark let me be your matchbook, so I can witness your brilliance in full bloom.

You are so beautiful.

Picture taken by a friend. 

Friday, September 4, 2015

No Time for Capes or Speeches

So in the interest of saving the world I hope you understand that failure simply means everyone forgetting that you ever tried anything at all.

You will not be the star of your own comics and history will not know your name. But I will write your story on you so every love you ever have sees that you have been made immortal by a poet and a handful of stars anyway. 

Thursday, September 3, 2015

In Front of the Mirror

You are so wonderful. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are lovely. You are creative. You are strong. You are amazing. You are fun. You are sweet. You are loved. You are intelligent. Tell yourself this everyday and soon you will believe it the way I do. 

You will also become Love.

Because we all need a little push from time to time. 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

But it Wasn't Forever Ago

As you grew up and encountered various situations you learned lessons. You were taught to look both ways before crossing the street and how to get to the places you felt were actually worth going to. Strangers became friends in school and outsiders continuously kept their distance; human contact and the lack thereof made you the person you are today. At one point you were (and maybe you still are) adventurous, you didn't follow the sidewalk and you asked yourself what would happen as you acted (not before!) You laughed off your mistakes and you lived moment by moment until somebody convinced you that it was dangerous or "bad". You let them quench your spark and clip your wings, but you know as well as I do that that's the only true way to live. And you also know that it's never too late to change (you wouldn't be here if you didn't). 

Hardly Acidic

Oh, Darling, haven't you realized that raindrops still burn you even when they don't hurt? Darling, I've found a way to crack your hard heart, don't let me break you the way we've broken everyone else. Oh, Darling, even after all of this, even after everything I've done, you still find me beautiful, don't you?

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Read On

In case you have forgotten this, in case you've forgotten who I am and why you love me, read on. Read this and then go back and read everything else I've written here. The words that aren't even for you are written with your reaction in mind first. In case you have forgotten this, in case you have forgotten who I am and why you ever loved me in the first place, read on. Read this sentence and let it be the one that reminds you that I'm the kind of person too young to know what a mix tape is, and I still have some I listen to everyday anyway. And this one is here to tell you that there's always a pen or a brush in my hand or keys beneath my fingers and whichever one it is this time has grooves that match my fingers (mine - no one else's) from being held and loved, from supporting me when the world fell apart around me and the ground gave way when nothing else was there. This one, this one is important, probably more important than any of the others could ever even dream of being; this one is important because its soul purpose is to let you see me again when I am gone - my hair never stays the same for long, my band T-shirts are in boxes somewhere I've never been, and all my jeans are too tight, you love to laugh at the color of my eyes because my eyes are two perfectly rounded mood rings always changing colors constantly telling you the things that can't be made into sounds and when they can they get caught in my throat so you can't hear them anyway. In case you have forgotten this, in case you have forgotten who I am and why you loved me for so damn long, read on. Read on and let it end with the simple reasoning being a single phrase I didn't say enough when I should have:

it's because I love you.