Sunday, December 31, 2017

Nineteen, Eighteen, Seventeen, You get the Point


If today were any other day
I'd be on a plane
heading to you with books
and movies in my arms.

I'd buy balloons and pizza
(I know you're not ten)
but I hope it'd bring back
the good old times -

of dancing in the gym
and soccer by the back gate,
moments of weakness spent
reading in the sun.

If today were any other day
I'd wish you a
happy birthday completely
unlike any before it. 

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Begin Again


Maybe things didn't really go the way you planned, but hey - if you want it to tomorrow can begin a whole new chapter for you.

Friday, December 29, 2017

The Star Resting on Top


Finally -
a holiday worth remembering.

One spent with friends and family
not just one or the other.

A holiday with laughter and joy -
no photos, but that's alright.

Presents waited patiently under the tree
and the movies were just right.

We had a fire roaring
(Thanks to Netflix).

There was coffee, hot cocoa, and tea
each warmed to perfection -

and the best part of it all
was that you were each here with me.

Finally -
a holiday I want to
remember.




*not on PnQ

Thursday, December 28, 2017

The Clouds have Begun to Pass


I missed your birthday. On purpose this year.

But I figured I'd get you out of my system early so that I don't have to think about the graffiti waiting on the pearly gates or serenading you with lyrics from Cake or Iron and Wine again.

I missed your birthday. You would be proud of me, finally.

But I can't help it, I have to wish you well and hope you'll remember me with words like "found" and "temptation" - even after you've found "the one" you were always looking for next ti the lions and the ladies training your previously beloved trapeze swinger.

I've missed your birthday. Enjoy whatever year this is for you. Please.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Stranger Beauty


I'm not exactly sure if you are going to understand this or not, but without the kindness of the world there would be no world. 

Friday, December 22, 2017

The Christmas Atom


You are goofy and weird, and I get so many comments on how much you don't fit in, but that's exactly why you are so perfect. Here.


P.S. Happy birthday 

Monday, December 18, 2017

The Last Bottle on the Shelf



I'm all out of tears spilt from missing you. I'm all out of broken hearted lyrics to sing outside of your window. I'm all out of meaninglessly meaningful and pathetic excuses. I am so sorry, but I am done having nothing left to hold on to but the memory of the day I watched you walk away. Never to return. 

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Little Talks with Angels


I don't blame you for choosing adventure over routine. But I will not be responsible for your final destination.

I can guide you towards hope, but I don't have the power to choose for you - nor can I give you the secrets you need to unlock the Pearly Gates.

I respect you for letting your heart wander as it desires and I love the bravery you have in giving up regret for lent.

I will support you even after your final lifetime, but where you end up and whoever you become is entirely up to you, Babe.

Happy Birthday Darling. 

Friday, December 15, 2017

Math King of Third Grade


We always knew that you would go on to do wonderful things. I only wish you were still here to see just how deeply you've captured us all. 

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Visiting 143 Birthday Way


I'd draw for you
again
or take you to the
opera
like when we were
young.

But none of it would
be the same
because we've grown up
and love changed.

So I'll just write out
another poem
to title with

143 Birthday Way -

just for you.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tumbling Down with the Leaves


There is more to falling than gravity or love and that's what fall is all about: finding beauty in change and growth while remembering where it is you're heading anyway. 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

This I Promise


I'm not expecting time travel to ever actually become possible, but if it does, I'll go back to a time when I'd have been able to spend the day with you. There's nothing gone unsaid, I just didn't have enough time. 

Monday, December 11, 2017

Collecting Dust and Silence


Listen, today I played the CDs you left behind and I understand why you like them so much. It's not that you just wanted to be different (even though that's at the top of the mile long list of things you excelled at.) It's not even that you wanted to scare people away with the countless things that genre implies to the outside world. But really it's something much more than that because it's the first group that really seems to get you. They know your mistakes and the beautifully dangerous habits you formed when you were "young". They knew who you were before you knew the truth and they remind you that there is still hope - even in the darkest of their melodies. Today I played the CDs you left behind, I hope that you don't mind. And today it finally made sense why you and the pen got along so well. and why you only showed me one of their songs while you were here. If you ever come back, can we talk before you leave again?

I have a song I'd like you to listen to with me. 

Sunday, December 10, 2017

The Wind in Our Hair


Believe me Darling, it's better to tell the story than it is to be rolling down stone cold faces when the story ends;

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Slipknots and Twist Ties


She said something beautiful today, words flowing all waterfall-like, sparkling with radiance in the glow of her brilliance. And all that came to mind was you. 

Friday, December 8, 2017

Soul Sipping


I know you didn't mean to, but you gave me something that you can never get back. And this would all be so much easier if I had been able to do the same for you.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

No Need for Mericles


Dear Aching Heart,

You do everything you can to make everyone else's day brighter. You go out of your way to lend a hand or eat for anyone near by. You care sincerely and deeply. It's okay if you ask for help from time to time.

Love,
Your healing soul

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

To Be Born Again


It's time to start a fire, Baby. I'll get the matches and you grab the diaries. It's time to burn away these scars, Honey. There are better ways to heal than waiting for Time. It's time to let go of these ashes and wash our hands of this ache, Darling. Neither of us can move on or grow up otherwise. Besides these days are getting colder, and we could use the warmth. 

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Bluebells Became Forget-me-knots


I'm using recycled metaphors
from when you left me

but

it's not you I'm missing now -
it's someone I didn't have

time

to know as well as I
would have liked

and

my mind keeps coming
back to you

because

you couldn't stick around
for goodbye either.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Just Let it Out


Just let the pain out across the page or in the notes, just flush it out of your system so you can move on and make the most of each and every experience you're given.

Just bleed out what you need to for the poison to quit flowing through your veins. As long as you get water back in afterwards you're going to be just fine.

Just go with it. You might even be better than ever afterwards. 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Return to Sender



Return to Sender:

I'd love to pull a pen from my drawer
and use these veins as paper for you.

I read your letter, but I

just can't bring myself

to hold on to it longer than
you needed me to. Darling,

I'm sending this back to you
without a reply, but here it is

anyway, cause I've gotta get it
off my chest and out of my heart.

This time around I am not going to

respond with all the love in my heart,

but I suppose after all this time
you do deserve a free fall drop
as if you were one of these tears
welling in my shattered crystal eyes.

Did you know I write to you
in every piece I've ever etched?
That there's something about the way
sun shines and streets flood that both
bring me back to your house all over again?
That I was more at home in your bed
filled with books and anger than
at home with my own joyful family?
That you are a tree in my garden
with a trunk etched in initials and stories
surrounded by roses soiled in memories
watered in your unspoken names?

A response such as:

I

I need you to know that
I fashioned your latest letter
into a lullaby I'll sing myself
only when there's no one else
to hear for miles. (love like ours
is meant to kill not sting).

II.

You carry enough weight
in the ink you bleed for
the both of us, only you
forgot how to pen my name
the way I forgot your address
when you moved closer.

III.

Sometimes I want to write back
so I can let you see the pain
you've caused, but to give you
a type of healing I was never offered.
To paint your face from memory
and replay your voice from starsong
are two of my greatest dreams...

and fears.

IV.

Please, return to sender.
Without a response letter

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Just as Sad as Before


It's been a year to the day,
I didn't really know you well -

but for the brief time you were here
you were family and friend all in one.

I missed your funeral, and for that
I am incredibly sorry, but I was there

to see your body lying on the living room floor,
to watch the family gather around and pray,

I've never been religious or understood
the many cultures of my new home, but

for you, I made an exception, I dove
head first into a sea of sobbing Cubans

and wept more for you than for my own blood,
you are even worthy of a run on sentence poem -

anyway, I just wanted to say it's been a year
and you're not forgotten or missed any less today

than before, I hope you're well
wherever you've made your new home.

Maybe someday I'll catch you
on the rings of Saturn playing hopscotch

or drinking espresso on the moon
with all the family to go before you.

Lucky Study Pants


It's a good idea to keep a few things around with good memories and fun potential just in case something strikes and you need to pick yourself up.

Today wasn't bad or anything, but it was still nice to remember my own skin is good enough for anything I want to do, and it was a pretty good feeling - one you should experience more often Darling.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Looking Back on the Arguments


I am getting used to the feel of living in my own skin and I am incredibly grateful for the experiences you and your negativity led me to live without.

Don't worry, I'm so much better off without you. I feel like a whole new person!

Neon Light Vacations


Licorice stained gamblers take a chance
and roll the dice, but none of them
ever really win anything because
this hotel's nothin' but smoke
and mirrors angled a little too perfectly.

Whiskey wasted walls wish they
could share the dark secrets of
past guests - just to get 'em off their chests.

And everybody knows New Year's Eve
ain't nothin' without a few tears
scattered among the cheers.