Friday, March 31, 2017

Today is Tomorrow is Yesterday

Smile. No one's going to remember this anyway. 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

I just thought you should know that while today is all about you, and you deserve it so much, I will be out living my life and celebrating a little something too.

I love you so much kiddo, and happy 16th!

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Don't Leave Yet

"It's pretty isn't it?"

"Yeah it is, but what is IT?"

"It's called a bus station."

"What's that?"

"People here say it is 'Freedom'."

"Can we go?"

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Alternative Routes

You asked me to stop writing about you because you aren't coming back, so instead I'll write about things like stars and rain. I'll say all the things you got mad at me for and remind myself just how much hatred I've got bottled up inside buried beneath all of this anger and love. I'll talk about photographs ripped in half (the ones that were only ever taken in dreams). I'll ink these pages with thoughts that can only be conveyed in blood or tears and I'll pull my hair out without fear of looking bad because the only opinion I've ever cared about is gone. I'll copy down all your secrets spilled from the walls and shadows at midnight of a house I don't even live in. I'll smile as I pick up my pen and scan the room for something - anything that doesn't remind me of you. Because you asked that this would be the last time I wrote about you - even if you only ever thought it. 

Monday, March 27, 2017

Begging for Stagnation

Just so you know, I am completely terrified of this next step.

Please push me down the stairs, gently. 

Sunday, March 26, 2017

One Brave Moment

If the world begins again each time we wake I hope you see the potential you have to save the world. Or even just the day. 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Fully Transitioned

Darling, there will be no words worthy of accurately describing the overwhelming pride I felt for knowing you when I heard just how much you have been able to accomplish in the last few months.

Keep going and we'll do something big soon. 

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Music Fades in and Out

And as our hearts beat ever so silently perfectly in tune and time, rhythm and rhyme with each other time stood still allowing us every opportunity possible to remember the purity and serenity that surrounded us then. The stars shined brightly as they vowed to protect us no matter what from everything they could for see. And the wind paused us together so that we became not only the best versions  of ourselves in existence but also that third person we become so often. And in that stillness you told me so much without a single word.

That is exactly why the world and everyone in it are so jealous of us. We have everything two people could ever want and so much more because we know what it means to be happy and to create our own experiences. 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Butterfly Effect

As you sit there biting your lip wondering why you feel the way you feel, someone else is trying to find the words to tell you that you control the way you feel completely. That same person is hoping, wishing on every star they've ever seen that you were happy instead of this. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Dewy Meadow Hymns

Perhaps this is huge
coming from a non-believer,
perhaps God can be found
among dandelions of Spring.

You can be sure to cross
His path once you find
Him in yourself (as peace)
with enough furver and dedication to
listen to the sermons of sparrows

as they build up a life
higher than that of dusty twigs
or even Heaven's Pearly Gates.

Perhaps God can indeed
be found among us here
in Spring buried within

dandelion fields.

Shedding Some Skin

Your ghost visits every day. But I have never felt more alive. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Coconut's Slow Dance

Let the music play while we mix together smoothies
with pina colada flavor and extra pineapple on the side.

Keep the melody going while we sway from side to side
just don't look now, the coconut flakes are tangoing

in the harsh arms of the blender's extra sharp blades
while we sing goofy songs off key and continue to sway.

It's Thursday night, let our weekend begin boldly,
just know you're too weak to leave the house

and the medicine they've got you taking makes you
even more loopy than the spring break you had

that coconuts love ants surgery for the two letter cheater
you loved so kindly without care for consequence.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Mermaid's Rock

It's funny how the most gorgeous place in the world is simply inside your head and it's also the most dangerous place alive.  

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Descendants of Stars

Until you perfect your own makeup please take my carbon and use it to shine even brighter. 

Friday, March 17, 2017

The Yearly Arrival of the Green Queen

I would give you my wings and show you the world, if only midnight knew how to fade into morning. I could sing you all your favorite songs and retire "Happy Birthday" if only you'd make up your mind. I should probably just give up the pretty words and hand you a box wrapped in paper and string, but first I need you to know that I hope this is your best day ever.

*Happy Birthday Killian, Gabbi, and Dutch *

Thursday, March 16, 2017

As the River Flows

There cannot always be rainbows in the sky
otherwise they'd lose their beauty - their importance.

And every time it rains flowers are sure to follow
as they poke their pretty little heads up and out
from underneath their cozy blankets of grass covered dirt.

There is something enticing about fire
raging through dry brush in California summertime
that leads to springtime births of hummingbird friends
and birds' nests popping up like polka-dots dancing.

I know it melts the snow as winter begs not to die
and I'm well aware how leaves write the eulogy
so effortlessly as the days slowly countdown
to a new year - but only seasonally.

Sometimes, if we're lucky it can also be
emotionally. Like when moss covers stone
and cypress facing north only - until spring comes.

Sunshine blocked by windy days
and clouds stars die in our hands

as moonlight fades the way you did.

But darling, spring is here - finally

you can shed this skin and bloom again. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Living on in a Sketchbook or Painting

I hope that I inspired you in some way that was pure and true. I pray you still have whatever you created and that you still remember something blissful about me. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Walking Jigsaw Puzzles

you will find the pieces of yourself that you dropped as you ventured through innocence.

you will realize that someone else found them as they walked along their own path, beautifully.

you will understand that love is the one who puts you back together when you are completed already. 

Monday, March 13, 2017

So Many Look Alikes - None Compare

Whenever I miss you more than words can express I remember sitting in English working on "group projects" that either of us could have finished solo without breaking a sweat. I remember trading secret memories and stories over greasy cafeteria food and overly highlighted poems. I remember taking seats in the furthest corner of the biology lab where we made white out paintings and wrote about charms on the bracelet from your dad.

Whenever I miss you more than words can express, I tell myself you left first, but we're doing just fine.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Widow in Training

His tongue so full of
remains aloof -

a mystery soved
long ago
but still misunderstood.

His tongue so full of

left thorns upon my
bloodied lips
in that way I once
only Summer could.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Important Tolerance

"You don't have to agree with me, but you must respect me," you giggled as we sat around discussing how to best use the day.

This. This is why I love and miss you the most. 

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Potentially and Momentarily Blinded

I don't know how you haven't noticed it before, but you are built of the strongest bones to ever exist, your blood has the highest boiling temperature known to mankind, and somehow you are still the most fragile structure to walk across the surface of this planet we call home.

Darling, you could be invincible if only you put your mind to it. 

Totally Offbeat

while the rhythm you
casually see

a reflection of wonder
from me.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Finding Muse within Stanza

Listening to you and
the ghost of your poetry
I am reduced to a
glimmer -

a single spark of
our flame -

and honestly, I've never
been more happy.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Hell Called For You Again

Just so you know, I think of you often. I think of you fondly. I think of you seldomly. I do not miss you, but I love every nook and cranny of your ghost.

Just so you know, you're the kind of phantom that proposes marriage on a whim. The kind of demon that wins hearts effortlessly. The kind of giant that wants to feel small. No - you are not a fairy or an angel.

And I have fallen into the hands of Darkness. Just so you know, this kills me. It rips me open from the center out.

It kicks and screams. It burns like fire lapping at flesh. It's a new beginning that sure as hell feels like the end of all ends.

Just so you know, I abhor you for leaving, but I've never loved you any more than I love you now.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Soon to be Gone

There will always be places you cannot return to, but ocean tinted heavens and graffitied Pearly Gates will welcome you with open arms even after the end.