Thought I Could Fly

I don't know who else to write this to
you seem to understand me 
more than others try

so I am going to pour my heart out 
to you

now. 

I hope that's alright,
but you're the kind of person that will say yes 
to anything

so long as someone's emotional well being 
will benefit. And I promise
mine will 

So dearest diary and closest friend,
I hope all is well in your world
because in mine the skies are grey
the clouds refuse to move away 

I miss the sun
I don't remember what a smile is
I feel trapped in my own being

pencils with lead and pools of ink
just don't know how to convey
the things I feel right now

my thoughts eat themselves
before I get the chance to think them
and I am breathing enough to get by
but it's only just enough with no extra space
to breathe. 

I don't understand it either,
there's nothing at all wrong 
everything around me is fine,

but I need to say something
in hopes you will have the cure 
I need more than ever before

being alone is a choice 
but
loneliness is a disease

and lately:

I am more alone than ever before. . . 

While I don't expect you 
as a book with uneven lines
and coffee stains or a person
with a life to live and your own fears to face
to understand this or to help me at all

I don't know who else to write this to
you seem to understand me 
more than others try

so I am just here on your door step pouring my heart out
to you.