The Great Ways of Reflections

If you can't find a way to make all those things you just have to do a little bit fun you have a very short life ahead of you. 

The Bubble Keeps Expanding

Thank you for joining in on the fun. It's nice to laugh, joke and dance with you from time to time (especially when it's somewhere other than the kitchen).  Let's go out together more often. 

P.s. come back home safely, soon. 

Connect Four, Babe

Sometimes things need to be larger than life before you can believe in them. And that's okay, just don't take too much time waiting before living. 

Left the Keys on the Counter

Celebrate every goddamn thing. Surviving the line at the DMV on a Monday morning, completing all your laundry before the weekend even begins, and all those times you got yourself out of bed and out the front door. There is no shame in living life as a party so long as you remember to stop when it's no longer fun. 

Brewing up Something New

Try new things. You never know what you'll end up wondering how you lived without.

Just so you know butterbeer is totally hit or miss - even around the holidays. 

Wrap yourself up, would you Dear?

And just in case you have forgotten,

I've never met anyone else that I could love

forever and always. No one else with a

beautiful heart or a seraphium's soul.

There's nobody out there with bones

so lovely or hair so soft as yours.

No pair of eyes so kind or lips so

incredibly sweet -  perfectly poisoned

just for me, And just in case you have forgotten,

I've never met anyone else that

I'd wish to have for Christmas.

Casualties of a Cupcake war

Cupcakes, they themselves may

only be temporary, but

the memories of making them

are not.


From picking out the mix

to stirring it together

all the nuances of bliss

remain long after the spoons

have been licked clean.


You shall forever be

my red velvet reindeer

and I your buttercream star

Little Yellow Flowers

If I add this to my locket as a memory of you and this place what do you think would come of it? And do you think anyone else would be able to understand?

Scars and Birthmarks Alike

Memories come in some of the strangest ways. They just flood in through the rafters, soaring in on waves of light, dancing along the lyrics of well-loved songs. Rendezvous in the beauty of these moments. 

Day One and Counting

All of your traditions have to start somewhere, Love. 

Trying to Refreeze Snowflakes

I never wanted December to be my month of mourning. Your birthday is still a source of contention in my modern relationships and the death of a friendly stranger linger on the tips of tongues that never spoke the third's name. Everything haunts me as snow threatens to fall but refuses to show.

No clock can tick without caressing another glassy tear on the way down my porcelain face. I wish you all well. 

White Elephant Disaster

Boys and girls gather around the classroom in a circle,

it's the Friday before their winter break and all the third-grade teachers

have arranged a game of White Elephant. The gifts are piled in the center

of the children's circle and child number one picks one to open.

Child number two takes one as well. The third steals the first gift and

the game continues until there is only one little boy left without a box or toy

in his hand. So he goes to the center and gently picks up a silver box tied with

a sparkling green bow, maybe it's a new video game,

or a book to read over the break, could it be a toy train for his collection

or do the others not know each other

well enough for something like that?


"Unwrap your presents children!" One of the teachers exclaims as the boy

sits back down. There are dolls and cars and a few books scattered through

the crowd, but the most unique thing of all is in the last little boy's hand.

A pair of Alaskan earmuffs, too big for his fragile head, signed by the 44th President

of the United States - President Obama. Such an odd gift, but maybe,

just maybe, his dad would take them off his hands for a few dollars or so.

Another Numberless Attempt

If you were here I'd ask you for the highlight of your year

and offer you complete control of the radio. I'd have a book

of poems, letters, lyrics, songs, memories, and wishes for you


that took the whole year to write. Your face would be etched

in snow and your name painted on the freeway overpass.

I would scream the words "I love you" from the roof and

sing "Happy Birthday" from the coffee table like I did when

we were kids. If you were here I'd wrap up the world


and leave it on your pillow

because you deserve it.


But you're not here anymore, are you love?

Happy birthday Darling
    

Off to See the World

In my absence I'll offer mustard seed and peace.

Heartbroken Birthday Card

You must have been an illusion because your ghost loves me
more than it ever loved you. And maybe if I label you as
a dream dreampt up by Loneliness, maybe, that will help ease
the pain. Hun, you should have stayed a stranger- an infatuation
 from a distance nothing more than wishful thinking and a face
too pretty for its own good. But if for some reason you were
really here, if any of it actually happened and your birthday
really is on its way, I hope that someone new is able to give you
the world and all that you deserve. I hope you have another great year
ahead with nothing but the best laughter filled moments and
memory filled days of the time you spent with the people
like me. The people who love you with all their heart, who
only ever wanted the very best for you. The ones who are
no longer around to see you smile. You must have been
an illusion because your ghost loves me more than it ever
loved you - and if you're not, if you are real, we both
wish you a very happy birthday.

A Memory Called Love

You have always been good to me.

In second grade you assured me
art is valuable and books are cool,
later in fifth grade you sat front row
at my chior concert cheering loudest
and when you broke my heart
you helped me pick up every piece
(even though it took three years).

You've been so sweet to me.

As long as I can remember
you've been a friend to me,
always looked my way with love
(or at least adoration), and this -

this is my way of being here for you. 

Remember to Celebrate

 "Dear John",

It's funny to think that I write you birthday messages all year long and when it's really here I can't figure out what to say.

It makes me laugh when I recall just how much of my life changed with you (and you'll never even know).

It kills me to know that you haven't been happy in such a long time and I'm not even sure of the cause -

but since this is the tradition we've created, I'll keep reaching out every 4th of July and on your birthday.

Until you ask me to pull my part-time heart out of the splash zone and leave my ten years too used key on the counter.

Love Always,
Happy

Still Leaving the Light On

I never wanted to love you, I mean, I didn't plan on spending so much time with you, but I did and I do. Please find joy and love wherever Death pulled you when he rescued you from Sorrow's icy hands. 

Winter Arrives

Snow comes down somewhere

far away from here, rain falls

from these dark clouds and still there is

no sorrow anywhere to be found.

There's a sense of hope soaring

on frigid wind currents and icy veins

of melted snowflakes trickling down

closed windows and blank canvass yards

just waiting for colored lights and snowmen.


I know, I know love, I'm too far away

for your taste and even for mine, but

don't you worry sweetheart, I'm leaving soon.

I'll be there just as soon as winter is.

Sand Continues Slipping Through

Stars will eventually burn out and soar through these skies. Just like even all the kindling in the world could not keep a fire ablaze longer than a human life. And no storm could actually flood this entire planet.

So I understand that your time simply ran out - like everything will. But I can't figure out why we couldn't have met sooner or been closer or had some sort of goodbye.

Remembering Keeps me Up

Sleep is important, I know this now,

especially when I will be talking to you

at 2 a.m. because no one else is awake

enough to hear the things we say or

the secrets we love to share.


Last night, I was really not myself,

I couldn't have been cause you called me

just to hear me laugh or at least have

proof I was not drowning in tears or

watching blood run down my wrist again.


something about love, just not the way

I thought you cared. then something that

made me melt, I believed because it felt

so real, so true. later mention of my

stupid dream being more than a dream to you.


I don't know if I'm going crazy, or

what I should be thinking about this,

but I just hoped maybe writing it out

would keep me from losing my head.


Sleep is a great thing - believe me

when I say it. Especially when the love

of your life is the most unpredictable

paranoid monster you will ever know.


To be honest I don't remember much

other than the things you would do to

keep my blood inside, and that I'm more

mature than you were at this age, or something

closeish to that. I don't know anything anymore.


Your words took my breath away,

they stole all my words and now

this old computer is eating my words

up exactly the way you did when we

first met. So I'll say I am lost and leave

things there, hoping you will understand.

Prolific Dreams

I keep thinking that I can write you a letter

with so much love and beauty on the page that

you will not wonder why it never worked

quite so well with anyone else. My pen

has grown to be quite haughty,

she swears it's a task she can

skillfully complete and yet

here we are three years later

and still no where close.

Outrun the Stagnation

Push yourself to try new things - that's how you have some of the best adventures. 

Sweet and Sour Sauce Shampoo

"I need to take a shower

before doing anything else,"

I inform my mother as she unlocks

the door to our tiny, temporary

studio apartment of a home.


"That's what you teenagers get

for trying to wash your hair

with Chinese food," she laughed.


As I slipped into the bathroom

and out of my clothes I answered,

"That's not how it happened!"

I tried to brush my hair clumped together

with sweat and sweet and sour sauce

from last night's left over dinner on the road.


The brush couldn't get through

the mess so I let the water

have its way with my brunette locks

until finally the suds and conditioner

were able to work it out for me.


As the soap made its way

down my porcelain skin I ponder

why teenagers have to be so bold


and what I've gotten myself into

this time. When the sound of bottles

crashing from the shelf pulls me

from my thoughts I turn the water off

and pull on my Joe Boxer shorts and

the XXL T-shirt swallows my frail frame;

she asks if I still smell like fried rice.


"I hope not," I giggle and crawl into bed,

when we turn off the light the room

is filled with two words said by both of us

in unison and dreams of being a

 mother myself someday fill my head.


~ ~ ~


Good night.

Sing a Water Song of Nothing

Young body, soul in love, rolling

as the waves do. A petal falling is

alive and in your silence we sleep

the slumber of the changeless.


Only this raises a problem,

how does one find their way


out of a rose?

Three Christmas Wishes

I found three shooting stars on Christmas Eve,

though I guess really, more than anything, they were


f

..a

.....l

.......l

.........i

...........n

..............g


not


s. h.. o... o.... t.... i...... n...... g....


I.


So because you are not here to take the wishes

that I would offer you. I wish for you to enjoy

your holiday beyond belief. Smile as much as

possible while you're surrounded by the people

who love you most in the world - minus myself

(of course - everyone knows I'm 1600 miles away).


II.


Secondly, I wish that you knew just how brightly

you shine to me. Darling, you are the most stunning

angelic soul I have ever seen but at the same time

you are my lovely black hole my daemonic crimson

breath. The worst best friend of an addiction I have

ever known. This being said, you my love, are beautiful.


III.


And finally, my last wish for you, the one I hope for

most of all - I wish I may, I wish I might, get the wish

I wish tonight: I wish that starting this year you would

begin a Christmas tradition of having someone lovely,

someone brilliant and brave, kind and sweet pour

their heart out to you as purely as possible. Because you,

you my love, deserve nothing less than to have the entire

universe in the palm of your hand and this is as close as

I can get to offering you that. Please, take this as my heart.


I found three shooting stars on Christmas Eve,

though I guess really, more than anything, they were


f

..a

.....l

.......l

.........i

...........n

..............g


not


s. h.. o... o.... t.... i...... n...... g....

Snow Won't Fall Here

The cold is coming, but my heart will not be made blue or frigid because I am armed with warm memories and smiling faces.

What do you have?

Soaring Towards Paradise

My poem has wings

that take you


from sleep and

give to take

from you.


To tell the real

from the true


My poem has

no substance

to crave


but it does

give you a need


to crave anything

and everything


freely.

Still Searching for Wonderland

This time Alice is searching

for the Mad Hatter and has

all the muchness she could

Ever dream of.


Its just that he left

Wonderland without

saying goodbye...


Or rather she was forgotten

there, left to watch it all

fall down around her

as she stands so completely


Alone.


Cheshire erased everything

except me. He took the queen

all her heads and hearts,

Even the real story that

belongs in this book

trapping me within blank pages.


And if you find this

I am sure you will


Understand.


Its just that I thought you

should know I am

going to use these pages

for something new

with very different

characters and a world

you will never see.


And someday when this

becomes a classic you

will remember how you had

your chance, but you chose

to walk away without leaving


Anything.


Welcome to Wonderland

my Mad Hatter, I'm so

displeased to announce

that none of it ever existed

Singing Bowls poem for Ian Quiet/Price

...Dong...

someone's here to visit

they want to know your name

..............Ding..............

Everybody's outside waiting

we have creativity to show you

W...H...O...O...S...H!

Somewhere the wind is racing

sharing all it's secrets

with the ever present rain.

.......Drip.......

Come on, get up, we have

people to meet...

....................Drop...

Drip...

...........Drop...........

................................Drip...

...Drip...

......................Drop...

Follow me to a place

unlike any other

across the seas of Time

and Death's lingering breath

Ding...

..........Dong..........

We have arrived

somewhere indescribable

C...R...A...S...H...

a world caught between

your moving melody

and nostalgic notes

.......Dring.......

Dring...

................Dong...

This is all your fault

you got me lost  within

myself craving

more of your blissful


perfection
    

The Garden in my Soul

You dropped a seed when you kissed me

for the very first time and that little seed

fell passed my lips and through my heart

into my soul. It found soil and solitude

inside my lungs and it grew brighter and

more beautiful with each kiss to follow.


I'm not sure if it was a rose or a sunflower

or  even a lily like you gave the last girl.

But I never felt any thorns and my days

came not only easier, but happier as well

so I tell myself it was a sunflower and

you were the sun. Which means I am rain.


Before too long birds and butterflies

were prancing around my heart and

bees found a hive in my shoulders

(don't ask why they settled there,

I'll never understand it myself).


Everything was thriving -

flourishing even it was

such a sight to see. Until one day

they took too much oxygen

and I forgot how to breathe.


That was the day I realized

that you had left and you

had no intentions of coming home.


Was it the flower or you

that killed me?
 

Where'd the Sunshine Go?

I know you heard us all

standing around you

like witches in a seance -


I know you felt us all

begging you to hang on

just a little longer -


I know you saw the waterworks

filling up the room, it's amazing

none of us actually drowned -


I know you could taste the salt

landing in the palm of your hand

and lining the edge of your lips -


I know you could smell the fear

growing more potent than your

collapsed corpse - or anything-


I know you were bound

to run out of time -

but I wish it wasn't so soon.



*It's been two years since I wrote this piece and it doesn't feel any less painful. Maybe not my best write, but if it's a replicative post, then it's damn worthy of it anyway. 

A Temporary Leave of Absence

You said you needed a break
from the drama and anger,
that it was for Poetry's sake.

There was no last song
or any real goodbye/ see you soon -
and that's feeling wrong.

I haven't heard from you
in a few weeks now,
but everything's in shades of blue.

Baby, I know you've got scars,
but tell me you'll call soon -
it's not your time to join our stars. 

Changing Leaves Must Fall

And I would say:

As Autumn falls into the hands of Winter I can't help but notice that you and I are a lot better for each other than they gave us credit for.

Someone else would say:

As Autumn falls into the hands of Winter and all her frozen schemes I can't help but notice that you are even more distant than usual. What's wrong this time?

Tears of Exhaustion

There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind

is tired of developing blurry pictures -

its such a waste of energy.


My shadow sits against the wall wondering when

I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,

even though walls will never talk and floor boards

just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,

to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't

pick up on that - just can't grasp why something

so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person

stuck in the mirror staring back at me,

they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's

famous grin buried beneath countless layers of

make up and lies.


That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,

the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,

reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like

my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure

than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to

buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look

on their faces when I end downing shit stronger than their own.)

there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.


I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.


That I'm not who you think I am.


I am just another

impostor

in your bed.
    

Sweetly Faded Images

Is she a being of light

only ever renewed

by exploding stars


and space that

never actually

ends. If she's a

being of light


what are you?-

The Flames Continue Dancing

I always knew that you'd come back with new stories to tell

and someone beautiful to help replace the memories with me.


I just hope you were not planning on keeping the house

where we wrote on the walls and drew on the floors,

I burnt it down with the lighter you left in the left pocket of

the leather jacket I stole when you were still here,

still kissing on me as if I were an angel or something.


I always knew that you'd come back with new stories to tell

and someone beautiful to help replace the memories with me.


I just hope you are as happy as you were before.
    

Flowers for Every Show

Don't worry, when I'm gone, you'll have my support for everything you dream (and do). 

Thatched Sunflower Ceilings

Off in a place

with walls of secret words

carpeted in sheets of moonstone

and a ceiling of thatched sunflowers

resides a girl.


This is not a place

for an ordinary girl,

who parties till midnight

and runs off with boyish men;

no, no, no.

So she is not an ordinary girl,

who acts then speaks.


In fact, for being

a red head she hardly speaks

at all. She has crystal blue eyes,

and the body of a ballerina;

though she has never been athletic.


And in this place

she hides.


Away from the chaos

of family or friends,

away from the pain

of broken hearts and

lost wishes.


Her voice is strong

though her will is weak.

People take her for granted

and leave her on the street.


But this place is hers,

to weep and to think.

Too bad I am her and

it is in my head...
 

For he who drinks "Colors"

Forced to hide behind four walls

made of painted glass,

yet no hope of escape.


Contact with outsiders

has become forbidden;

though I cannot give that up

without first taking my very life away.


I'm only aloud in the sun a few times

each month though never am I to be

left alone, in peace, quiet, or harmony.

Because somewhere along my path

something went horribly wrong.


I swear to you

to everyone everywhere,

I didn't do that!


Though they took everything from me,

everything except food, some clothes and my house,

yet they left me for myself...

Somehow they managed to

drag her far away from me.


Don't know how,

really I don't care;

but I manage to talk to friends still.


It doesn't look like my love

is coming back home to me

anytime soon.


I've been forced to live this way

for far too long now.

Will they try and keep me here

forever more?

The Thousand Pound Feather

My shoulders sometimes

push days hugging my ribs

down into the current


during failed attempts

to support a skeleton

in my evening gown


throughout unwanted

survival. The weight is

killing me, in her place.

What it's like to Kill Time

If someone gets in between you and i


i will kindly ask them to move,

but if they are like the air

and think they can cut us,


I will cut them I will cut

even the thinnest portions of air

and make them bleed blue for


each moment they made me

spend away from you

The Highest Compliment of All

Thank you for becoming the kind of friend you refer to as family. The kind that keeps a few too many pieces of you when they finally part ways. 

Eighth Grade Science Failed You

How was I supposed to know I'd figure it out first? What evidence did we have when we lost you anyway? Now that we've got it all under our belts is there any way to bring you back?

They Say the 90's Were the Best

You loved me like the 90's
all beeper slang and sugar cookies,
music outside the window,
balloons and flowers at the door -
you loved me like the 90's
twenty years too late.

Dances in the gym with pizza
and door prizes, parties at the park
with Memory and WAR,
dates to the opera and movies on Saturday.
Sunshine, you loved me like the 90's
everyone was SO jealous.

You changed my name from Maddy
to Happy and called me
every Friday night, you slipped
notes into my locker and showered me
with CDs from every genre out there -

Oh, you loved me like the 90's
and I've never been happier.

Under the Stairs

I'll hide under the stairs

to the back porch, listening

to the melody of the quiet waterside

asking why can't you see the horror

of waking up with amnesia in the arms

of someone who swears to be your lover -


and you won't ever have to know

how hard it is to find yourself

twice in the same year. You'll never

have to understand the pain

of hating people who love you

unconditionally and have for many years.


Don't worry,

I'll just keep sitting here

under the stairs to the back porch,

listening to nature's orchestra

trying to re-meet the memories

the accident so brutally killed.

Lonely Can be Productive

In your absence, I learned how to determine wants versus needs and how to prioritize my life and energy accordingly. Without you, all my scars healed and bad habits faded. While you were away finding yourself my heart and I packed up and made a home somewhere new. 

Under the Pink - Album Poetry

God, if only you knew the trouble of

communicating through

icing colors and cake flavors -


The baker, baker - oh, that

poor, old baker takes care of me

now that you're away. She tries

to help me get through to you

as you go waltzing


with another toy -

what is it this week? (I'm sorry,

that was rude, who is she?)


The waitress from the bar?


It is such a shame

you ran away for another

cornflake girl. Now you'll never


know he beauty of

meeting Mrs. Jesus

on a real playground.

Fission Fades Away Here

The tobacco on your breath

mixes with the passion furiously

flooding the tiny icebox that is my room.


Violet stained lavenders cling to us

desperately as Time melts into

a paused sort of paste.


Both of us have been

parched before, just never

like this. And who would have thought


that a single

drop of love had

the power to quench

such a thirst?

Silken Wings and Halos of Starlight

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Always the most beautiful person I have ever met.
It's time for you to believe me Darling. 

"Unique"

I know you are not going to understand this or at least it is far from likely, but because I am who I am, I am going to say it anyway. To live the life I live is odd - there are drops of glass - like pain molding to drops of fallen rain and the water I drink is poisoned by my thoughts. Take a deep breath, visit me if you dare, Time is on his way to take me away and I’m lying in the snow dying in my own arms again. I told you that the life I live is odd - there are seconds wasting away as they whisper quotes from all my favorite days, singing songs from the parties we threw with shadows dancing in time to songs only imagined and never even played. There are sounds from the backs of throats disguised as words for all the things people say they feel even though it’s clear they don’t. And someday, someday they might, but it’s going to be too late, because the only teacher they’ll ever find to help them understand will already be gone.

Stained Glass Eyes

There are seven billion ways to view the world,

Of all I find yours the most beautiful.


Carnation hues blinding you now

So you don't show your pain,

Why you hide

......there

I will never know.


Seven billion people live and breathe,

But your breath puts on the best show.


Ebony clouds the words

You do not wish to say

That makes sense I

....., suppose;

They don't seem to understand.


So of all seven billion lifestyles out there

Yours is the one I would like to learn.


Dark sandy eyes and lime thoughts

With azure meanings

Make it seem as though

You found a perfect

.......paradise,

I wish I could join you.


Because there are seven billion things wrong with the world,

And I promise you will never be one of them.


Cherry smiles and lightly

 candied hearts fill this

Deep, dark, and dangerous

World, but not our milky

......paradise.

They just don't know it.


One day seven billion people will leave us

Not you and I, for we will live forever.


Golden promises fill your mind

As we face each day,

Just remember someday

We will scream, "oh my god,

.....THIS

Is paradise and it feels

So god damn good!"-------------------------------------------------------


Inspired by  the song by Piece the Veil "stained glass eyes and colorful tears"
    

Stained Glass Skies

I watch the world carry on

in its deja vu sort of bliss


and I wonder

if anyone else knows the pain

of being reminded by the sky

that you ran away -


now you're just out there

somewhere.


Another storyless page to

miss or forget. Time makes

this harder to take and I

have to know if there's

anyone out there


breathing easier

since you went away.

Still Playing for Pennies

And I'll keep singing that song I wrote for you

even though, you're miles and miles away

but it's a twisted dream in this kinda world

where nothin' ever goes your way.


You will not wait for me and I understand that,

really I do, it's just that caged memories

and ghosts 13 cents short of a bus ride home

are more painful to hold than you'd think.


See, a wannabe husband's promise

is almost never enough and he always finds a way

to replace his perfect girl right before the day

she says yes and the fairy tale begins.


So I'll keep singing this song that I wrote for you,

even though, you're miles and miles away,

and it's been almost a year

since I was replaced by her