For the Love of Soda Bubbles and Sand

I wish you the best of luck in finding that one person (or small group of select few) who understand every wave of your laughter. Someone who creates moments worth your smile and holds you when the pain gets to be unbearable. I send my hope and love to you and wish you nothing but the best as  you wonder through countless seconds strung together to form Life.

I have begun to find these people in my own experiences, and I love the inspiration we bring each other so effortlessly each and every day.

Enjoy 

Beautiful Sorrow - Better Days

"Maybe I'm just made of wilted petals and poisonous thorns," you whispered as you pulled the blankets around us just a little bit tighter.

"Or maybe you're just made of powderized stars missing home," I answered as I guided your head to my chest and wrapped my legs around yours.

You began to giggle and your eyes sparkled just a bit brighter. The dreams I had that night re the best I've had so far. And I owe it all to you, my rosie little starling. 

Well Meaning Lies

You're not going to remember this when it matters, but you promised to kiss me when I was strong enough to fly. And you swore you'd kiss me when I was far enough to call myself free. Then you said that you wouldn't leave me for good until you were close enough to put your lips to mine as a way of replacing the word "goodbye" before walking away.

That way if I drowned you'd have no part of it. Only, I know how to use my wings now and you're no where to be seen for that either. 

Craving Croc-o-gator Land

I'm a little home sick lately. It started when my friends stop answering the phone and then worsened when you left me all alone in this great big bed of mine. I know that they'll be back soon and I'm sure the others are just busy doing all the things they need to do in order to get by. So forgive me if I haven't been here armed with tissues and good memories whenever you need. I'm doing some falling too. 

Slammed Doors and Empty Hallways

I always thought it would be neat if you understood how to stand in my shoes without taking them from me in the middle of a run. Everyone else told me to drop it and go on with my days as a way of saying that I was crazy; but now that it's been two years since you left I wonder how "neat" it'd be to see you again without pixels and a forever of miles separating us. 

Sometimes

Sometimes when I miss you I write you e-mails about how things are. I know you don’t get them anymore, but it’s as close as I can get to what it felt like talking to you.

Now I crave conversations of depth more than I crave contact.

Graduation Speeches

And today you graduate. Four years of high school must feel worth it now, right? I'm sorry I won't be at the ceremony, but I really hope you know how happy I am for you. Not that there were ever any doubts, but more like this is all you were waiting for before you could really live however you wanted. Because now you know how to act in the event of an emergancy and you know how to listen to authority and determine when the things they say are really important and when they aren't. Today you take your first few steps as free soul, ready to explore the many opportunities of life, even if you change your mind a million times before finally being satisfied. I love you. I am so happy for you.

Congratulations Love!

Enjoy. 

Widening Faults

"I just saw in the news that there was an earthquake near you. I hope you were not affected. Thinking of you. Love, me."

"Really, you love me? That's why you said we couldn't drive the night before the most important factor in my future thus far, that's why you haven't gotten the hint from my lack of responses to your messages, that's why you decided to hurt us indirectly with every chance you get. Yeah, sure, I "love" you too, because honestly, I don't give a damn how you feel because I don't think you really give a shit about us."

Then there was silence. A long pause that stretched itself out for months on end. I hope you finally got the message. I don't need you around anymore, I haven't since I learned to walk. And I don't want you around either, because all you do is remind me why the world is so cold - it's filled with people like you. 

The Transition

I never asked you to be a knight in shining armor
and I never loved you as my fool in tinfoil. I offered up
my soul to you and showed you where to find the key
to my library gallery - the home of every word I've ever written,
all the sketches I've abandoned, all the discarded rags
used for blotting and clotting. I let you in as a part of
the audience whenever I stood to steady the easel
or reach for a new bottle of paint and a brush that hasn't

rusted just yet. And eventually I pulled you in closer to me
than I've ever let anyone else before. I turned you into
my canvass -  my heart into pigment. That's when you learned
the tragedy of living in my shoes and how each time I meet
someone new that I actually like a new self portrait is created
highlighting the parts of me that found love in. Then when they leave -
because they always leave I become a masterpiece taken from
that brilliant golden frame in the Louvre simply to be forgotten
in a flooded basement somewhere in Louisiana. I kill off everything
from that image. I paint over it. I scratch at it. I claw away the layers.

I form a cocoon and awkwardly try again, but it never works.
The Mona Lisa within my lacking smile morphs a little more into
Frankenstein or maybe just the Devil with each flick of my wrist.

Get out while you can, Darling. My brilliantly dented flake. 

Wax and Wings Form Bees

I'm sorry to say this, but you, my Dear, are not my first choice for spending another year without.