Just Another Exorcism

I don't think anyone realizes that the circus is cheaper when it rains. Because who can smile, laugh, and enjoy themselves when they are soaking wet, right? I remember how much you loved going to watch the clowns with their faces dripping away beneath the red and white stripes of the big top. Caramel corn and candy apples aren't so sweet anymore. But the smell of the massive bonfire in the center of the grounds is more enticing than ever before now that all your magic is gone. The strong man took me by the arm today after the show, just to ask me where you are, he chuckled and left me in the alley when I remarked how surprising it was that he was the last to know. And tonight, for the first time in as long as I can remember, these trails we've followed for so long were confusing, I had no idea where I was going and I don't think anyone realizes that the circus is cheaper when it rains, but if only they'd give it a shot, maybe they could still feel the magic you brought to the stage inside your laughter lingering low enough to actually have some sort of fun. 

The Big Bang

No one ever said that us being close meant everything would be perfect. They never told us that the world was our stage or that Time was incapable of freezing. And they "forgot" to warn us of all the common knowledge they've already acquired. But if anything had been any different we wouldn't be here giving birth to an entirely new universe.

Bob, Marley, Slim, and Freedom

Three (four) little birds built a nest on my doorstep. They chirped all day and sang at noon. Marty (the chicken/rat snake) slithered on the roof every night, looking for ways to get them. He never got his midnight snack, but he did fall off and into our laps. Nothing was going so well back then, but when the birds showed up, Bob, Marley, Slim, and Freedom found a way to make everything alright. 

The moral of this story: everything's gonna be alright. 

~

P.s. Love the song "Three little birds" when grey skies roll in again. 

Till I Fall Asleep

Read me your poetry and give voice to the words that saved me when it felt like no one else was within reach. Point out the stars that led you home when you were young and lost, teach me stories about your friends in the sky. Hold me close to you, wrap the blankets around us just a bit tighter and let your heart beat me a lullaby. 

Note to Self

Someday the two of us are going to have a house with nooks and crannies filled with pillows and books and crayon drawings on the walls. There ill be stained glass windows in the dining room with a view of the beach so when the sun rises there are pretty patterns on the floor and table. There will be a gorgeous black baby grand in the living room with a red velvet cover for the keys and stunning paintings on the wall, I will play for you every night. I will play anything you like. I will let you put your head in my lap and tell me everything you ever loved when you were young. There will be days for pizza and movies in bed and there will be days for dancing in the kitchen with soap to our elbows and dishes half done in the sink. Even if life isn't perfect, we'll find joy in as many moments as we can. That would be more than enough for me. 

Sunshine in Waiting

I just have to ask if you're really happy this time. 

Taller Than Everest

Nobody likes listening to you because you aren't like them. But that is exactly why you must continue speaking. 

Slow but not Steady

If all you're doing is breathing just to get by, then I hope you learn what it really means to be alive. Soon. 

Earthquake Weather

And I remember how you sat with me when the house felt the need to dance with ghosts and the ground gave way close by. That was the night I realized that relationships are funny things - especially when Gravity's involved. It was one of the only moments where the company of another allowed my fears, panic, and pain to melt away without leaving any sort of evidence they existed. And I know you're busy doing all the things you have to do, but I felt like I should thank you for your incredible timing. This is why you always told me that Expansion and Clarity will always follow Disaster.

Getting Passed the Fuzz

I know it seems frightening to stand there like that, rattling your brain for options. But I know that it's easier to worry than it is to take deep breaths and calm down. I know you just wish you had a way out of this, but really you do. Close your eyes and go for it. Just like the first time you bit into a peach.