Saturday, April 30, 2016
Friday, April 29, 2016
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Monday, April 25, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Love is an Earthquake
If it seems like I never capitalize your name anymore it's only because I spent so long biting my lip over that name when you weren't around.
And if you notice that I haven't called you lately, it's only because your voice still gives me the kind of goosebumps that last for days and I don't have the time for that now.
You rattled my bones so many more times than I can count, and as such the cities of ideas inside my veins are still trying to recover and rebuild around my scars and your fault lines.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
Oceans Fit to Burst
Every time I come across bluebells
whether in reality or photographs
I hear your voice reminding me
that I was beautiful in your eyes.
And I know that bluebells are
pretty just like me, and maybe
just maybe I am one of them.
That would explain so much.
Like why I die every winter
just before your birthday
and come to life in Springtime
that might be why we are
exactly 6 years and 6 months apart,
the precise reason we could never last,
and the excuse I’ll use for losing you
that first moment summer warmed up.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
The Big Bang
No one ever said that us being close meant that everything would be perfect. They never told us that the world was our stage or that Time was incapable of freezing. And they "forgot" to warn us of all the common knowledge they've already acquired. But if anything had been any different we wouldn't be here giving birth to an entirely new universe.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Necessities First
And I need to know if wishes on shooting stars
can still come true.
I need to understand if there's any sort of ratio
between the amount of wishing and hoping one does
per weight, height, or size to each supposedly magical object.
And I need to know if belief in angels
really promises entrance to heaven.
I need to learn what the meaning of "Happiness" is -
that word is as foreign to me as your name was
ten and a half years ago.
And I need to devour every scrap of information
there is available.
Because I am in the most desperate pair of shoes
I've ever owned. The skies are liars, filled with sun
but putting up a facade of grey and rain.
And I can't take another day of rain,
I miss the beach.
Monday, April 11, 2016
Accidental Poet
Dear ****,
Sweetheart, you managed to make me something beautiful in a shattered world. You took my heart and completely remade it, just for us. And just before you left you begged me to stay safe even though you knew what my answer would be already. Sweetheart, I felt alive when I was with you so please, please don't come back, I've found something better.
But it was two years ago today that I ran from you outside of the high school library. Two years since the words hung to the fleeting movement and steady flow of people. You left an interesting legacy for today to carry on every year to come.
Love,
***
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Heartshapped Bandages
I forgive you -
because in my mind
band-aids still make
the pain go away
just like when
we were little
pushing each other
on the swings so we
could watch each other
jump off
skinning our knees
on the wood chips
so we had another
story to tell.
Just like when
we were playing with
the dog next door and
he got too excited
scratching at us for more
that night we bled
together in the living room
while watching the
Land Before Time movies
and eating twizzlers
cleaning out the cuts
every hour on the hour
turning our dolls to the wall
so they didn’t have nightmares
from the sight of blood.
I forgive you -
because even though
it’s been ten years,
we’re still young. . .
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Symbolism's Beauty
Wind comes back to the mind
every time.
Sea tells the journey of hearts
with each wave.
And Rain is the Sorrow we must face
every once in awhile.
I'm the last poet to teach themself
those meanings-
all the others find themselves newly
interested in stars.
Or maybe they all work well
together
and most of the old gang is just
too far gone
to confirm such a discovery
in perfect verse.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Welcome Home
I hate not being able to introduce you to music you would love simply for the fact I can't bare the weight of knowing that you'll change the way you think of it when I'm gone.
Even if you're the one to walk away it'll still be my head on your goddamned silver platter waiting to be chopped up even more - for your pleasure.
And I know right now it's no big deal, but haven't you ever listened to the radio before? Don't you know what it's like to be stung by the voice of a stranger singing a song that once meant the world to you?
Or have you never let anyone in this far before - despite having learned their every goddamned nook and cranny.
Oh but don't worry Love, I still remember every fucking note you introduced me to - even the ones after you fell off the face of this
godforsaken
too still
Earth.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
If Only
If it were up to me I'd help you strip down to nothing but your soul and bones. I'd take up all your old space in an effort to become just as much a part of you as any other part of you. Then in the stillness we would break the silence with talk of how the other tastes and what pairings would be the best. Next we break the stillness by joining the silence in an exploration of ourselves within the other. Right down to the true, pure depths of the other. If I had things my way you'd wake up tomorrow feeling like a new person, covered in glitter and lipstick, feeling like you are on top of the world, you could run a marathon, you want water instead of soda, you have never cried or bled a day in your life (I wish that were true), feeling like love is the only force worth a damn in this whole heartbreak world, that lipstick is the most beautiful bitch to ever live, that the angel in your arms right now is the only person you will ever truly care about. Really, it's just days like this that I wish I could have it my way.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
A Week Away From Home
You left messages on my laptop of all my favorite bedtime stories for times like this. You promised to keep your phone on and under your pillow for me, in case of nightmares or discomfort in the dark while you're away. You gave me teddy bears that "look" and smell like you because we both know I'm afraid to sleep alone. It's been so long since this worry started, but I think it's time to stop. You'll be home soon, I'm strong on my own, and that's enough for me.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Owning up to "Chernobyl"
This is a letter of loathing
written in flowery language and vibrantly rosie ink
because I need you to understand something.
I need you to know that even though the way
the light hits your face makes you seem
like an angel I have seen your true colors -
I know how deeply ebony your soul really is painted.
I know how devastatingly crimson your heart is -
like a summer rose in its first bloom.
I need you to understand that I know I inherited
my pretty blue eyes from you but mine are innocent
despite my mistakes and yours are the same steely grey
as the lovely shade of prison you painted the house
on Audubon place. "Daddy," I have seen the way
the world looks upon you with such friendly pity
as they dote and doddle you to feel better, but I know
that you dove deep enough to drown the current
did not pull you under.
And now that I am nearing my final days
(96 to be exact) as your little girl I realize I was
never your little princess and you were never my
big, strong king preparing the kingdom for me.
So as a self-made queen, from one generation to another,
I am close enough to freedom to declare
my independence from you. that's right I said it,
in all honesty, I am deeply, completely head over heels
Independent of you.
You have lost every ounce of compassion
I could ever have from you. As my declaration
of independence, this is my farewell -
normally I would wish you well at the end
but this time I think its much more fitting
to send off with a big, giant fucking Go to hell!
Rest in Peace,
Madison Rene Kuhlmann
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